


Do You Feel It?

by Na_Na_Nessa



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bisexual Clarke Griffin, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Clexa, Confusion, Drama, F/F, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Growing Up, Humor, I'm Just Going With The Flow - Freeform, Jealousy, Lesbian Lexa, Linctavia - Freeform, Love, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Slow Burn, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-07-07 11:07:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 42,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15907044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Na_Na_Nessa/pseuds/Na_Na_Nessa
Summary: “Tell me about her,” she said as she watched her light one more candle before sitting down.“About who?”“Clarke,” she said as if it were obvious, but Lexa slightly made a face.“Why would you want me to tell you about her?”She shrugged. “Because we're sitting in the dark during a thunderstorm and my phone is about to die. What else are we going to do to pass the time?”“What is there to even tell?”“Everything! I wanna know how you guys met, how you became friends, what happened between you two, all of it. That was a huge part of your life and I wanna know,” she said, and then she clasped her hands together in front of her. “Please?”“Fine,” Lexa sighed again as she started to run her fingers through her hair, and she began to recall the old memories. “The first time I ever met her was in first grade...”Lexa recalls the old memories of her and Clarke, from becoming friends to best friends, to the confusion and jealousy that almost tore them apart, to revealing true feelings and regrets, up to the very end.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> Okay, okay...so I'm very bad at sticking to one story, I know. But! I've just been lacking with motivation and inspiration for my other one, and I 'accidentally' started up a new story! (Don't judge me!) I do plan on continuing my other story, but I don't want to write something I'm not having a feeling for, or putting my all into, so... *flees*
> 
> Anyways, I'm just going with the flow on this one, I don't really have a set plan for it or anything as it is just for fun, but I hope you guys enjoy it!
> 
> It will all be in Lexa's POV, and the story will probably go slow (hopefully not -too- slow...or boring) but bear with me! I'm only a silly hooman. :P
> 
> Enjoy!

“Tell me about her,” she said as she watched her light one more candle before sitting down.

“About who?”

“Clarke,” she said as if it were obvious, but Lexa slightly made a face.

“Why would you want me to tell you about her?”

She shrugged. “Because we're sitting in the dark during a thunderstorm and my phone is about to die. What else are we going to do to pass the time?”

“I could think of other things to do...” Lexa trailed off.

“ _Come on_. Tell me, please?” she begged, and Lexa stared into her pleading dark brown eyes.

“What is there to even tell?”

“Everything! I wanna know how you guys met, how you became friends, what happened between you two, all of it. That was a _huge_ part of your life and I wanna know,” she said, and then she clasped her hands together in front of her. “Please?”

Lexa stared at her for a moment longer thinking about it. She just couldn't say no, and finally, she sighed. “Fine, but you're not going to like some of it.”

“Why not?” she asked, and Lexa raised a brow.

“Because I'm going to be talking about my first love, which means talking about feelings I had and kissing and things,” she said, slightly making a face.

She rolled her eyes and then laid her head in Lexa's lap, her dark hair spilling everywhere. “Just tell me. And start from the beginning—don't leave out any details!”

“Fine,” Lexa sighed again as she started to run her fingers through her hair, and she began to recall the old memories. “The first time I ever met her was in first grade...”

 

 

“Are you scared?”

“No,” five year old Lexa said boldly, but the tight grip on her mother's hand and the wide-eyed expression was the giveaway, and her mother smiled.

“Don't worry, it will be over before you know it, and I'll be here to pick you up after,” she said with reassurance, and Lexa could only nod as they finally made it to the classroom.

They had just moved here to Arkadia a couple of months ago, so as she searched the sea of other kids' faces, she didn't recognize any of them.

“Welcome!” The teacher, who appeared young and bubbly, approached them with a smile, and she bent over. “Is this little miss Lexa?” she asked her, and Lexa nodded silently once more. “Great! I have a desk with just your name on it,” she said happily, and waited for Lexa to follow.

She looked up at her mother with round questioning green eyes, still holding her hand firmly, who smiled down at her.

“You'll be alright. Give me a hug,” she said, and bent down, giving her daughter a tight squeeze. “I love you, and I'm going to miss you today,” she said, and then whispered in her ear. “Remember, be brave.”

They pulled back, and after the two adults shared a few quick words, Lexa was being led to her desk. She kept looking back to see her mother still standing there watching with a wide smile until she sat down, and with a final wave from the door, she watched her mother leave.

She looked around, watching all of the other kids talking and playing with each other, seeming to have known each other already, and she continued to sit silently at her desk.

After a few moments, another girl, a small blonde girl, was seated next to her, and as Lexa looked over at her, she could see that she had been crying because there was redness around her eyes and tears still clinging to her long lashes. She looked up at her with sad blue eyes and a pout, and Lexa looked away.

“Alright, class, settle down,” the teacher called out near the front. “Now, my name is Miss Becker for those of you that do not know, and today we're going to be doing a simple assignment. I'm giving each of you a blank piece of paper, and under your desktops you will find crayons. I want each of you to draw and color something that you like. Now, it could be your favorite food, your favorite activity, your favorite pet...Anything that you like, okay? Let's get started.”

Once they all received their papers and the teacher put music on a low setting, Lexa suddenly couldn't think of what she wanted to draw. What did she like? She liked a lot of things, but her mind was drawing a blank at the moment, and she looked around to see all of the other kids drawing away.

She carefully glanced over to her right to see a kid with dark hair drawing what looked like a video game and controller, but she didn't own any video games. Maybe she should draw a board game? She liked those, but she rarely had anyone to play board games with because she didn't have any friends here yet, and her mother was busy most of the time.

She sighed and tried to think harder.

After a few moments, she then glanced over to her left to the blonde girl, who was busy drawing away. The girl seemed to have calmed down, and she looked rather content as she drew.

Suddenly, she looked up at Lexa again, who quickly looked down at her still blank piece of paper, and lightly frowned.

“Why aren't you drawing?” the girl then asked, and Lexa looked back up.

“I don't know what to draw.”

“What do you like?” The girl tilted her head, and Lexa shrugged.

“I don't know.”

“Why not draw your favorite animal? That's what I'm doing, see?” she said, moving her arms, and Lexa looked down to see a rather good drawing of a lion.

She looked at her own paper again, thinking of her favorite animal, but she frowned again. “I don't know how to draw my favorite animal,” she said sadly, not knowing where to start, and the girl leaned over.

“I can help you. I like drawing. My mom and dad says I'm really good. What's your favorite animal?” she asked, and Lexa shrugged.

“I guess a raccoon.”

 

“—A raccoon? Seriously?” she interrupted, trying not to laugh at her.

Lexa frowned. “Do you want to hear the story or not?”

“Sorry, sorry. Go on.”

“Anyways...”

 

“A raccoon? Why?” The girl smiled, seeming to find it funny, and Lexa shrugged again.

“Because there was always one that walked around the yard at my old house, and I would just sit at the window and watch it,” Lexa said, reflecting back on the memory, and the girl smiled again.

“Okay, well raccoons are big and round...like a circle. So start with a big circle,” she said happily, and together, they began to draw Lexa's favorite animal.

Soon, she had a decent picture of a raccoon, and as she felt much better about the assignment, she began to color it in.

“My name's Clarke by the way. What's your name?” the girl then asked after a moment, looking up from her own drawing.

Lexa looked up, and as she stared at the smiling girl for a moment, she began to feel more comfortable, and she smiled back.

“Lexa.”

 

By the end of the first week, the two had basically become friends. They talked to one another at their desks, and played with each other at recess.

Then one day, they were playing together near the swings when Clarke got up.

“I'm going to get a drink. I'll be right back!” she said, and raced off towards the water fountain.

Lexa continued to play by herself until after a few moments, she looked up to see Clarke coming back with tears in her eyes.

“Clarke, what's wrong?” Lexa asked worriedly as she sat down in the grass, and with a hard pout, Clarke looked up at her.

“F-Finn Collins and J-John Murphy were making f-fun of me,” she sniffled as tears leaked down her face.

“What did they say?” Lexa asked, frowning.

“They s-said I had a b-boy's name and everyone l-laughed…” She looked down, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hands, and Lexa clenched her jaw, feeling angry.

“Where are they?”

“B-By the monkey bars...”

“Stay here. I'll be right back,” Lexa said, standing up, and she headed off towards the monkey bars with determination.

She came back moments later and sat down next to Clarke with a smile.

“There. Now, they won't be making fun of you anymore,” Lexa said proudly.

“What did you do?” Clarke asked, no longer crying but still upset by what had happened.

 

“—What _did_ you do?” she asked eagerly, looking up.

“If you stop interrupting, I will tell you,” Lexa said, already becoming annoyed.

“Sorry...”

 

“Lexa?” Miss Becker suddenly came walking over, followed by Finn Collins who looked like he had been crying, and John Murphy who looked like he was on the verge of angry tears, and Lexa stood up. “Finn and John here just told me that you made all of the other kids tease them and call them 'Flinstone and Murphette'?” she asked sternly.

However, Lexa rose her chin slightly. “Yes, I did.”

“And that you all began singing _The Kissing Song_?”

“Yes.”

“And why did you do that?” Miss Becker asked her.

“I wanted to see if they liked it,” she said, earning a confused look from the teacher.

“That's not very nice, Lexa. Why would you do that?” she asked as the two boys stood silently behind her, and Lexa placed her hands on her hips.

“Because they made fun of Clarke and said she had a boy's name and made her cry, so I wanted to see how they liked having their names made fun of.”

“They did?” Miss Becker asked, looking to Clarke, who was still holding a frown, and she nodded silently.

“My mom says you should treat others how you want to be treated. So I did the same thing they did to her!” Lexa said, looking at the two angrily.

“Alright, settle down,” Miss Becker said more gently. “Now, Lexa...Your mother is right, you should treat others how you want to be treated, but respectfully. If you want to be respected, you have to treat others respectfully.”

“Why should I give them respect if they don't deserve it or give it back? My mom says bad kids don't get rewarded with cookies!” she huffed, and Miss Becker paused again, seeming caught off by Lexa's valid points.

“True...” she trailed off, looking for an answer, but eventually sighed. “But you need to also do the right thing, which would have been telling a teacher right away.”

“But my mom says you should stand up for yourself and stand up for those who can't against bullies,” Lexa said, and the teacher bit her lip, seeming to continuously hit dead ends.

“Yes...but, well—”

“—And that if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say it at all, which is what they should have done in the first place, and then I wouldn't have to teach them a lesson through an example!” she interjected, and the teacher seemed to be at a loss for words.

“Y-Yes...but, you...well...” she fumbled. “—just come to me next time, okay?” she finally said with a light sigh, and led the two boys away.

As Lexa watched them walk away, feeling quite proud of herself, she suddenly felt arms wrap around her, and looked over to see Clarke hugging her tightly.

“Thank you for standing up for me,” she said gratefully, and Lexa smiled.

“Of course. What are friends for?”

 

And from that day on, Clarke and Lexa became best friends.

They hung out and played with each other every day at school, learned more about each other, and were practically inseparable. Though they were quite opposite of each other, it was mostly in a way that complimented the other. They filled in where the other lacked.

Clarke was more loud and outgoing, but she also wore her heart on her sleeve which made her more sensitive, whereas Lexa was bold but more reserved, and always stood up and protected Clarke when it was needed. Everyone eventually learned not to mess with Clarke, or they would feel the wrath from Lexa.

Among that, Clarke's home life was also quite opposite of Lexa's. She was an only child who lived in a bigger, newer, beautiful house with her two parents, while Lexa lived in an older, large farmhouse with her mother and her uncle, and his two children Anya and Nyko.

Lexa had to share a room with her older cousin Anya, while Nyko had his own room because he was older and a boy, and her mother took up the other room. Her Uncle Gus was a truck driver, so he was gone for days at a time, while Lexa's mother helped watch them.

When Lexa and Clarke were old enough to start hanging out at each others' houses, it was never really a concern or a thought to Lexa that Clarke had a better house, with better toys and nicer things, whereas she had a smaller room, less toys, and mostly had Anya's hand-me-downs, until one day in third grade when someone pointed it out to her.

“Why do you always have holes in your clothes? And why do they look all used and too big for you?” One older girl at recess asked with a slight sneer.

“Because they were my cousin's,” Lexa said, her brows pulling together as she looked down at her clothes.

“Doesn't your mommy buy you new clothes?” The girl asked with her hands on her hips, and Lexa slightly frowned.

“No...she has to save money for rent,” she said, remembering her mother saying that often when Lexa wanted her to buy something at the store.

“Why don't you have your friend buy you new clothes? She's richer,” the girl said with a smirk, and before Lexa could answer, the girl took off with a laugh.

“Don't listen to her, she's just a big stupidhead,” Clarke said, but as Lexa looked at her, it was the first time she could see the difference.

This caused a slight wedge between them, or at least on Lexa's end, which caused her to stop inviting Clarke over to her house, but it never affected Clarke. She didn't care that Lexa didn't have brand new shoes or clothes, or that her house was older and leaked when it rained, or that she didn't have very many toys.

“I don't care, Lexa. You're my best friend and you always will be,” Clarke said to her when Lexa finally brought it up.

“But aren't you afraid the other kids might make fun of you?” she asked with a frown, and though Lexa never really cared about other people's opinions, this one seemed to have affected her the most.

However, Clarke only smiled.

“Then, you'll beat them up.”

 

“—Did you beat kids up?” she asked, but Lexa shook her head.

“No, I think they were too afraid to actually do anything.” She smiled gently.

“But didn't you tell me once you punched that Finn guy in the nose?”

“I'll get to that...”

 

As time went on they still remained best friends and hung out just about every day, but along with getting older not only meant having different classes and making new friends, but also developing hormones...which also created new feelings.

Lexa remembered the first time she felt something...different towards Clarke.

Since they had different classes now, Clarke had made a new friend in her class named Raven Reyes, and when she introduced the two, Lexa didn't have a problem. She liked her, because she seemed witty and sarcastic and she liked sports, something Lexa found out she thoroughly enjoyed and was good at.

However, one day during fifth grade, lunch time had come, and as Lexa walked out into the hall, she looked around for Clarke so they could walk together like always, but she didn't see her anywhere.

 _Maybe she's already in the cafeteria._ She thought when most of the kids had left their classrooms and the hallway was almost empty, and she decided to head that way.

As soon as she walked in, she spotted Clarke already in line...standing with Raven. The two were chatting away happily and laughing together, and Lexa suddenly felt jealousy—and perhaps even a slight anger—in her. Why didn't Clarke wait for her so they could stand in line together like she always did?

She tried to shake the thought from her mind and approached them.

“Hey,” she said, and Clarke smiled widely when she noticed Lexa.

“Hey!”

“I waited for you in the hall,” Lexa said, trying to keep her features neutral.

“Oh, Mrs. P let us out a minute early, so Clarke and I just thought we'd come straight here,” Raven said with a nod as if nothing was wrong.

“Yeah...I'm sorry.” Clarke smiled with sympathy, seeming sincere.

“Oh.” Lexa nodded.

“Hey, no cutting in line,” the P.E. teacher suddenly called out, who was on lunch watch, and Lexa glanced back at him before looking to Clarke, who was now frowning, obviously feeling bad for not waiting.

“We can go to the back with you,” she said, but Raven spoke up.

“But it's pizza day,” she said to Clarke, and then looked to Lexa sheepishly, as if she hadn't meant to say it out loud, and lightly frowned.

“It's alright. Stay up here,” Lexa said, and as she began to walk away, Raven called out.

“Don't worry, we'll save you a seat!” She smiled.

Lexa slightly had to force her smile with a nod, and slowly walked back towards the end of the line. She watched from the back as the two began talking away again, standing so close together and smiling, and she felt an odd tightness in her chest.

 

“—Wait. So, Clarke didn't walk to the back of the line with you?” she asked, sounding slightly defensive, and Lexa shrugged.

“Fridays were pizza days, but sometimes they ran out, or you got the burnt edges if you were in the back. I don't blame her.”

“It's cafeteria food,” she deadpanned.

“Hush. We were still just kids back then. Food was everything.”

“Whatever you say...”

 

As Lexa finally got through the line and got her food, she found Raven and Clarke, and sat down next to them.

“Hey.” Clarke smiled widely to her again, and Lexa smiled back, though it probably wasn't as sincere as she had thought, and she saw Clarke begin to frown, but she looked down at her food and began to eat.

They both listened while Raven—who was quite the chatterbox—went on about her summer at science camp and how much she learned, and when they had finished eating, they went outside to enjoy the rest of their lunch break.

“Hey, you guys wanna play kickball with them?” Raven asked, pointing to a group, but Lexa shook her head.

“You guys go ahead, I'm just going to sit here on the picnic table,” she said, even though she really enjoyed kickball, she just wasn't feeling up for it anymore.

“Clarke? You in?” Raven asked, but as Clarke glanced to Lexa, she eventually shook her head.

“No, I think I ate too fast. I'm just going to sit here too,” she said, causing Lexa to feel slightly irritated but also bad, and with a shrug Raven took off to join the group.

They sat silently for a moment, watching all of the other kids play, but Lexa could feel Clarke's eyes on her. There was an awkward tension between them for the first time.

Finally, Clarke spoke up.

“Hey...are you okay?” she asked, and Lexa glanced at her.

“Yeah. I'm fine,” she tried to lie convincingly, but her tone was just a tad higher and sharper, and Clarke was quick to notice.

“Lexa,” she said gently, waiting, and when Lexa finally looked at her, she lightly tilted her head with a frown. “What's wrong?”

Lexa stared at her for a moment, wondering if she should let her anger and jealousy of Clarke not waiting for her be known, or keep playing it off like everything was fine, but she knew she couldn't keep lying to Clarke.

“It's just...” she trailed off, and sighed, looking down. “You didn't wait for me.”

“I'm sorry,” Clarke said sincerely, turning her body more towards her. “It's just...Raven was talking and walking, and I couldn't get a word in to tell her to wait, or to go ahead. I should have, or at least went to the back of the line with you, and I'm sorry I didn't.”

Lexa looked back up at Clarke once more, and she could tell she was telling the truth by the way she didn't blink as much and stared her right in the eye. She knew Clarke wasn't one to be assertive or speak up when she wanted something, and so she believed her.

“Really?” Lexa asked with uncertainty and timidness, and Clarke nodded.

“Yes. What else would you think?” she asked her, and Lexa lightly shrugged.

“I don't know...that you liked her better?” she said honestly, and looked down to avoid her eyes.

Suddenly, Clarke scooted closer, and wrapped her arms around Lexa's, placing her head on her shoulder.

“No, Lexa. You're my best friend, and you always will be.”

Lexa smiled.

“You're my best friend, too.”

 

And even though Raven had made her way into their little circle, Lexa was fine with that, because after that day Clarke never went to lunch without Lexa again. She had a feeling Clarke had spoken up and said something to Raven, because it became a routine for all of them to wait for each other.

Eventually, Lexa had made a friend from her own class as well. She was a small girl named Octavia Blake who had just moved to the area and didn't have any friends yet. Though she was the small in size, she was assertive and stood herself tall, and Lexa had taken a liking to her strong personality. She felt bad that the girl wouldn't have anyone to sit with at lunch, and so she had invited her to sit with them. She quickly made her way into their circle, and together, they all became close friends.

 

The summer after fifth grade was quite different from all of the others. Usually Clarke and Lexa would hang out during the entire time, but this time Clarke's family had decided to go on vacation to Florida during the middle of it.

“I wish you could come,” Clarke sighed, lying on her bed as Lexa sat on her floor and leaned against it.

“Me too,” Lexa said sadly, already missing Clarke even though they weren't going to be leaving for three more days.

“But we're coming back two weeks before the summer is up, we'll hang out every day until school starts again!” Clarke said happily, turning to lie on her back with her head slightly hanging down over the side next to her, and Lexa turned her head, smiling.

“Take lots of pictures, so I can see all the things you get to do,” she said, and Clarke smiled.

“Of course I will. And don't worry, I'll bring you back something, too.”

“You better.”

 

“—So let me guess, you didn't do anything but sulk the entire time Clarke was gone, huh?” she teased up at her with a smirk.

“ _No_. I had Octavia and Raven to hang out with still,” Lexa shot back.

“Right. But you probably still sulked.” She raised a brow.

“Shut up, and let me continue.”

 

The entire time Clarke was gone, Lexa sulked.

“Why don't you invite your other friends over?” Her mother asked as Lexa checked the fridge for the third time within a five minute span, and she shrugged.

“I don't really feel like hanging out with them today,” Lexa said as she moseyed around the kitchen.

“Well, listen. Your uncle and I have been talking with Nyko, and he said he wants to clean up the attic above the garage and move in there, so guess what that means?” her mother asked with a knowing smile, and Lexa thought for a minute, before looking up.

“What?”

“That means we can move Anya to his room, and you can have your guys' room all to yourself,” she said, and Lexa became surprised.

“Really?” she asked, and her mother nodded.

“Yup.”

“Can I finally have my own bed, instead of the bunk bed?” she asked hopeful, but her mother slightly made a face.

“Well...we might have to wait on that, _but_ now that you guys are old enough, I was thinking Anya or Nyko could watch you while I go for full-time at my job, and then we can start saving up for a bed all for yourself,” she said, and though Lexa didn't really like the thought of her mother having to work even longer, the thought of having her own bed, her very own room for her and Clarke to hang out in without Anya in there snapping at them to be quiet or to go somewhere else and leave her alone, excited Lexa.

She couldn't wait to tell Clarke when she came back.

 

Over the course of the summer days, Lexa hung out with Raven and Octavia here and there, but time was winding down and everyone had to get prepared and do their back-to-school shopping. This time however, Lexa didn't have to get Anya's hand-me-downs.

Since her mother was working full-time now, she was able to save up extra money to buy Lexa brand new clothes, and she was honestly excited not to have to wear any of Anya's rather girly shirts with _'_ _Girls Rock!'_ or a cute cartoon cat on the front. She was never one to be excited to go shopping, but this time things were different.

“What about this one?” her mother asked, holding up a plain pink shirt with a slight ruffle around the edges, and Lexa made a face.

“No…” She turned away, looking around for anything other than pink, and suddenly, her eye caught site of a black shirt with the Hazard warning sign on the front. “What about that?” she asked, pointing as she looked back at her mother.

She looked up, and her brows pulled together slightly. “That's the boys' section,” she said, but Lexa didn't care. She liked it.

“Please?” she asked, turning to her mother. “I don't like wearing all of these pink and yellow girly clothes.”

“Why not?” Her mother frowned, and Lexa shrugged, looking around.

“I don't know. They just don't feel right. I feel...silly and uncomfortable in them,” she said, looking back up.

“But you would feel better in boys' clothes?” Her mother asked with a slight quirk of her brow, and Lexa nodded.

“They just feel more comfortable, and I like the designs better. They're not all girly and...frilly.” She made a face at the shirt closest to her that was a baby blue with a microphone and the words _'Super Star'_ on the front of it.

Her mother thought about it for a moment, and as Lexa patiently waited, she finally shrugged and nodded her head.

“Alright, let's go to the boys' section, then,” she said, and Lexa became excited, immediately running over to check out the shirts.

Though her mother said no on a few of them, they were able to make some compromises. Most of the boys' shirts were fine if they had a simple symbol or mostly plain, but she had to get at least three nice blouses and jeans from the girls' section, because the boys' were too long and baggy, but Lexa was able to talk her into a plain black pair of boys' shoes as opposed to the bright white and pink shoes, and she was able to get a brand new red and black backpack.

Once most of the school shopping was over, they began to work on moving the rooms around, helping Nyko clean out the attic and move his stuff up there, and moving all of Anya's stuff into his old room.

Though Lexa still had the bunk bed, Nyko was fine with taking the top mattress from it, and using it as his own until he could get a bed while Anya took his old one. None of them really cared about not having new bedding, as they were just more than happy to all have more of their own privacy.

Unfortunately, when Clarke and her family came back from vacation, Clarke got sick, and it prevented them from seeing each other, as well as Clarke still had to do all of her own back-to-school shopping, so they opted for just talking on the phone and waiting until the first day of school to see each other.

“Well, my mom said I have to ride the bus now, so I'll be there early,” Lexa said on the phone one night.

“Okay, cool, I'll just ask my dad to drop me off early then!” Clarke said excitedly, and they couldn't wait to see each other.

 

“—Didn't you guys just live a few streets away from each other? Why didn't Clarke ride the bus, too?” she asked curiously.

Lexa shrugged. “I don't know. I guess her dad just enjoyed dropping her off.”

“Oh. Carry on, then...”

 

Finally, it was the first day of sixth grade, and Lexa was feeling nervous and excited. She picked out an outfit she thought was the best, which was a black and grey Raglan shirt with a hood attached to it, and a nice pair of brand new jeans, and before her mother left for work, she praised her on her choice before saying goodbye and wishing her luck.

However, she was suddenly wondering what to do with her hair. She never really bothered with it up until now, and as she stared at it, a thought came to mind.

Anya was three years older than her, which meant she was already diving into makeup and doing her hair, and so she walked down the hall towards her room. She hesitated before knocking on Anya's door.

“What?” Anya called out over the loud music playing inside, and Lexa bit her lip.

“C-Can you help me with my hair?” she called through the door, and waited.

Suddenly, the music shut off, and Anya pulled open the door with a slight huff.

“What do you want?” she asked with a slight sharp tone, and Lexa became a little nervous.

“I was wondering if you could help me with my hair...” she said timidly, and Anya's eyes looked up at it, before looking back down at her.

“Looks fine,” she said, and began to shut the door when Lexa stopped her.

“—No, I mean, I was wondering if you could help me...style it.” She made a face. “I...don't really know how.”

Anya stared at her for a moment longer, before she sighed. “Fine. Come in,” she said, turning and walking away from the door, and Lexa stepped in.

Since Anya had gotten her own room, she told Lexa she was never allowed in it unless she gave her permission, even though she still went into her room all of the time.

“What do you want, now?” Anya asked Lexa with her hands on her hips, and Lexa shrugged.

“I don't know, can you just make it look...better?” she asked, and Anya stared up at her hair for a moment in thought.

Suddenly, Lexa watched as she reached over into one of her plastic drawers where she kept most of her makeup, and pulled out a pair of scissors.

“I have an idea...”

Lexa eyed the scissors with uncertainty.

 

“—Oh my god, _please_ tell me she gave you ridiculous bangs,” she said hopeful, turning on her back with her head still in Lexa's lap, and she glared down at her.

“As much as you would love that, no.”

 

“Are you sure you know what you're doing?” Lexa asked from underneath her long curtain of hair that was all pulled forward, sitting on the lid of the toilet in the small bathroom.

“Yes. Your hair looks flat. Layers give it more body,” Anya said, and without hesitation or warning, she began cutting away.

Lexa watched as pieces fell to the floor, praying that Anya _did_ know what she was doing, and once she was done, she stepped back.

“Alright, flip your hair up,” she said, and Lexa did just that.

Then, she turned her around and began spraying something into her hair while somewhat ruffling it up yet running her hands down the strands.

“You have naturally wavy hair, but this is to tame them and make it softer,” she said, and finally, she stepped back. “Done.”

Lexa quickly turned towards the mirror, and as she looked at what Anya had done, she smiled. “Thank you, Anya,” she said sincerely, liking her hair a lot more now.

“Yup. It looks better if you sweep the top part over to the side, and keep it over your shoulder,” she said, doing just that, and Lexa nodded.

Once she was officially done, Lexa turned towards her, and Anya eyed her up and down.

“So, what are you...a tomboy now?” she asked, and Lexa's brows pulled together.

“A what?”

“A tomboy. You know, a girl who doesn't like to be girly and likes stuff that boys do,” she explained, and Lexa had never thought about that before. She shrugged.

“I don't know.”

“Well...it oddly suits you,” Anya said with a flat tone and a shrug, and Lexa somewhat smiled, not sure if she had meant it as a compliment or not. “Anyway. Stop bothering me now so I can finish getting ready,” she said, even though she already looked put together in Lexa's opinion, and left the bathroom, shutting her door and blasting her music again.

Lexa turned towards the mirror again, checking out her hair while trying to make sure she kept mental notes about what Anya had said and done to it, and felt a whole lot better about her appearance.

Not too long after, it was time to head for the bus.

 

“Can I sit with you?” Lexa asked as they walked, trying to hide her nervousness about riding the bus for the first time.

Before, her mother always offered to take Anya when she would take Lexa to elementary school, but Anya would always decline because she wanted to ride the bus with her friends. Since Nyko was older, he went to high school and now rode a different bus than the other two.

“No,” Anya said, and Lexa frowned.

“Why not?”

“Because for one, I'm going to be sitting with my friends. There's no room for you, and two, you're younger so you have to sit in the front,” she said, and though Lexa wanted to protest, she wasn't sure what the rules of the bus were, so she had to take her word for it.

“Fine.”

Once the bus came and they got on, Anya pointed towards an empty seat at the front and told her to sit, and Lexa looked back and watched as Anya walked to the very last seat and sat down. There were only two more kids sitting near the middle, and Lexa faced forward and sighed as the bus began to move.

She stared out of the window as they made stops for more kids, and suddenly, she heard her name.

“Lexa? You're riding the bus now?”

She looked up to see Octavia standing there smiling at her, and she sat up more smiling.

“Yeah.”

“Cool! Can I sit with you?” she asked and Lexa nodded, scooting over more to make room for her.

It seems Octavia had grown a little taller from the last time she had seen her, but she was still shorter than Lexa, and as Octavia sat down, she looked up at her.

“Whoa, you got taller,” she said, and Lexa looked down at herself as if she would see it, but she hadn't noticed a change in her own height and shrugged.

“O, don't you want to sit with me?” A boy's voice suddenly interrupted them, and they both looked up to see a boy with slightly shaggy black hair, and features slightly similar to Octavia's.

“No. I want to sit with my friend, Lexa,” she said, and the boy lightly frowned.

“Are you sure?” he asked, and Octavia nodded. “Alright. I'll be a few seats down if you need me, okay?” he said, and Octavia sighed.

“I'll be fine. Go away,” she said, seeming annoyed, and with a shake of his head, he walked towards the back. “That's my big brother, Bellamy. He's always worrying about me.” She rolled her eyes, and Lexa smiled.

“My cousin Anya is in the back, but she told me I couldn't sit with her.” She glanced back once more.

“That's okay, we can sit together on the bus now!” Octavia said excitedly, and Lexa smiled wider with a nod, feeling better about riding the bus.

 

They finally made it to school, and Lexa was feeling nervous and excited all over again.

She looked around for Clarke as Octavia rambled off about her classes, but didn't see her yet.

Soon, Raven came racing up to them excitedly, hugging them and immediately rambling away about her summer and all of the things she did, and her and Octavia began comparing their classes, seeing which ones they shared.

Lexa tried to pay attention to them, realizing she shared two classes with Octavia but none with Raven, and suddenly, as she looked up and scanned the area one more time...she finally spotted her.

 

“—Wait! Before you go any further, I have to pee,” she said, quickly getting up.

Lexa sighed, as she was secretly enjoying herself. “Hurry up, or I'm not going to finish.”

“Oh hush. I'll be quick!”

Lexa watched as she disappeared into the dark with one of the candles. She sat back into the couch, reminiscing in the old feelings that were brought up in her again.

She never thought she would be talking about them again, but she didn't mind it, really.

It was nice to remember the good old times.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> I'm glad some of you are enjoying this story, even though I'm just winging it, lol. Again, it's all just for fun, really, just to keep the creativeness flowing. So, I apologize if it's going too slow or...just not entertaining enough, but I'm trying not to overthink on things because that's when I start doubting, and then lose motivation, and then feel like a failureee etc. etc.  
> —I'm sure you guys know what I mean, lol.  
> Anyway, I know things are going slow, it probably will for a bit, but things will be on its way!  
> So with that said, enjoy! —Or if you don't, just you know, carry on and have a good day! :P

“Okay, so where were we?” she asked when she had come back. She sat back down on the couch, but this time she laid the other way with her back against the arm rest, and resting her legs over Lexa's lap.

“Uhm...” She paused, but she knew exactly where she had left off. How could she ever forget?

“—Oh yeah, Clarke showed up,” she said, and Lexa nodded.

“Right. So, she finally made it to school...”

 

Lexa stopped paying attention to the other two and stared as Clarke shut the door to her dad's car, waving goodbye to him. Her backpack covered most of her, but when she turned around, Lexa felt a strange wave of nervousness and giddiness roll through her. She figured it was just because she hadn't seen her in so long.

She wore a simple, dark blue, top, and a nice pair of jeans with an interesting faded design on one thigh. Her hair, that was now slightly longer, looked like it was more shiny and golden—in fact, all of her seemed to be rather glowing, obviously having gotten a tan while in Florida, but there was something more to her. She seemed more...mature.

She looked around as she walked towards the school, but it was Raven who called out to her.

“Hey! Clarke!” She waved, and as Clarke looked up and her eyes landed on Lexa, she smiled brightly.

She quickly rushed towards them, and as if gravity played a part in it, Lexa found herself rushing towards Clarke as well.

“Lexa!” she called out excitedly, and they crashed into each other with a tight hug, causing a few of the students standing around to look, but they didn't care. “I missed you!”

“I missed you too!” Lexa said happily, pulling back to look at her.

“Oh wow, you got taller!” Clarke said, now having to slightly look more up towards her, and Lexa beamed.

“That's what I said!” Octavia said as the other two joined them and all hugged each other.

“Yeah, but you're still a short shit,” Raven said, and suddenly they all stopped, staring at Raven widely, who looked back at them worriedly. “...What?”

“You can't say bad words out loud!” Octavia said, looking around, and Raven shrugged.

“My aunt calls me a 'short shit' all the ti—” she began, but she was suddenly silenced by Octavia's hand clamped over her mouth.

“Shh!”

“Anyways,” Clarke said, and looked back at Lexa, taking in her appearance, and she suddenly felt a little self-conscious until Clarke smiled. “You look good! —Older, actually, but in a good way.”

Lexa oddly felt herself blushing at her words, and she finally realized she was in fact, the tallest one out of the group, and smiled.

“You too.”

As they waited for the bell to ring to start the first day of school, Clarke told—as well as showed—them all about her vacation in Florida.

Lexa smiled as they went through all of her developed pictures, and she showed them a few of the small things she had bought like a woven bracelet with a small green jewel imbedded in metal, and a seashell necklace.

“Hey, Clarke.” They suddenly heard, and they all looked up to see Finn Collins, John Murphy, Wells Jaha, and a few others walking by, all who seemed to have grown over the summer as well.

It was apparent that it was Finn Collins who was saying hi to her, and _only_ her.

“—Oh, uhm...hi,” Clarke said awkwardly with a smile, before looking to Lexa with confused eyes, who raised a brow. She immediately felt irritated.

“'Sup, Raven,” John Murphy suddenly said with a smirk, and Raven raised a brow of her own.

“Yo, Murphy...” She looked away somewhat disgusted, and he frowned before Finn began walking away, and they all followed.

“...Ew, what was that all about?” Octavia was the first to ask.

“I don't know, but...I think Finn Collins likes a certain someone…” Raven trailed off, raising her brows, and Lexa froze for a second, glancing up at Clarke.

“Oh, whatever. Shut up.” Clarke rolled her eyes, even though she was smiling and had surely gone red, and she put her pictures away in her backpack.

Suddenly, Lexa didn't like _Finn Collins_ a whole lot more than before.

 

“—Aww, you were jealous,” she teased, and Lexa rolled her eyes.

“I never liked him in the first place.”

“So you punched him in the nose for saying hi to her?” she asked hopeful.

“No. Stop asking.”

 

As they continued to talk and compare Clarke's classes to theirs, Lexa was relieved to see that they had at least two classes together: Art and P.E..

She finally told Clarke about getting her room all to herself, and her irritation was long gone as Clarke began excitedly talking about redecorating and sleepovers, causing her to smile widely at the thought.

Finally, the school bell rang, and all of the kids began scrambling everywhere, excited and nervous to head to their Homeroom class.

“—Lexa, wait,” Clarke suddenly said in the hallway, lightly grabbing her arm to stop her after they all had said bye to one another.

“What's up?” Lexa asked, turning back towards her, and she watched Clarke pull her backpack forward, unzipping a side pocket.

“I didn't want to give this to you in front of the other two, but...” she trailed off, and she pulled out a woven bracelet, just like the one she was wearing, but it had a blue jewel instead of green. “I got this for you,” she said, smiling as she held it out.

Lexa took it, looking at all of the tiny shells woven in between and the little blue jewel, and she looked up at her, smiling widely. “Thank you, Clarke,” she said, and Clarke gave a slight shrug with a small smirk.

“Told you I would get you something,” she said, causing Lexa to chuckle before she reached out and pulled her in for a hug.

“I'll see you in art,” Clarke said when they pulled apart, and Lexa waved as Clarke headed down the hall.

 

Most of the first day had gone by in a blur, and thankfully none of the teachers had given them any homework either, as much of the classes were spent introducing themselves and what was planned for the year ahead for them.

Unfortunately, the art teacher had assigned group seating in alphabetical order according to last names, and Lexa was seated towards the far right and back with four other kids, while Clarke was near the middle with Monty Green and a few others. She had been looking forward to sharing this class with Clarke, but now all she got to do was stare at the back side of her head.

Clarke turned in her seat, and waved at her with a sad smile as Lexa waved back gloomily.

_Great._ She sighed, stealing a glance at one of the kids she didn't know, but at least she had Emori Sanders at her table, and they got along pretty well.

Suddenly, Emori sat up straighter, and lifted a hand in wave.

“Hi, John—“

“—Wells! What's up, dude?” John Murphy called out when he spotted his friend, either ignoring Emori or not having heard her at all, and Lexa watched as she slightly slumped in her seat.

She felt bad for her, but became distracted as the seat next to her was abruptly pulled back, and she wondered if the fate of the universe was just trying to make art class more unpleasant as 'trouble-maker and all-attitude' Echo Snow sat down with them with a huff.

 

“—Echo was a trouble-maker in school?” she asked, tilting her head.

“Does that surprise you?” Lexa raised a brow.

“I guess now that I think about it...”

 

P.E. was definitely a sigh of relief.

All during art, Emori just kept staring with sad puppy eyes towards John Murphy to even hold a conversation, and Echo just whined and complained the whole time about how bored she was, while the other student Lexa didn't know just looked too terrified to speak.

“I'm sad we don't get to sit together.” Clarke frowned, and Lexa nodded in agreement as they stood around and waited for the teacher.

“At least we have this class together, and there are no seats.” Lexa smiled, but her smile immediately faded as she turned to see none other than _Finn Collins_ walk into the gym just as the bell rang.

“Alright, I don't think we need an introduction to P.E., so you guys can just play dodge-ball until the end of class,” Mr. Pike said, and began to put together two teams.

Why everything had to be in alphabetical order, Lexa just didn't understand.

She quickly became irritated as she stood on one side of the court, while Clarke stood on the other side with Finn, who was now talking to her. They were smiling, and Finn must have said something funny, because Clarke laughed.

“Alright, everybody ready?” Mr. Pike called out once all of the dodge balls were in place, but Finn was still too busy talking to Clarke to notice, and Lexa bent low, keeping her eyes on him.

Mr. Pike blew the whistle, and Lexa raced forward.

She was able to snatch a ball, but she had to fall back and dodge a few as the other team began throwing, but she didn't take her eyes off of Finn, who had finally became aware that they were playing.

A few students were quickly tagged out, and Lexa clenched her jaw as the other team was winning. She dodged another throw, and when she thought she had an open spot, she threw the ball hard towards Finn, but suddenly Jasper Jordan ran right into her path, and the ball hit him hard in the stomach.

“Ooph!” he grunted, and rubbed it as he walked sulkily off to the side.

Suddenly, a ball was thrown Clarke's way, and she put her hands up to cover herself, when Finn jumped in the way and caught it, causing Lexa's teammate to be out.

Lexa felt her irritation rise, and caught a ball swiftly without even flinching as it was thrown her way.

“What the—!” The student yelled out, and angrily stomped off to the side.

Lexa saw Finn smiling at Clarke, and she narrowed her eyes.

_You're going down, Collins._

When she finally had an open shot, she ran as close to the line as she could, and threw the ball hard and fast with hope.

Just then, Clarke had taken a step forward to throw her own ball, and Lexa's eyes went wide as the ball hit her right on the side of the face, causing her to stumble back.

“Hey, no hits from the chest up! You're out!” Mr. Pike yelled out, but Lexa quickly rushed over to her.

“Clarke! Are you okay?” Finn asked worriedly, immediately stepping toward her as she held her face, and she looked over angrily.

“Lexa! Why did you hit me in the face?” Clarke snapped, and Lexa stared back with fear and worry. She had never seen Clarke so angry.

“I'm sorry, Clarke, I didn't—“

Suddenly, the bell rang.

The other students began to disperse and retrieve their bags and leave.

“I'm really sorry, Clarke,” Lexa apologized again, frowning.

“It's fine,” Clarke huffed. “I'm just going to go put my stuff away,” she said with a sharp tone, a bright red mark now visible on the side of her face, and she walked away to grab her bag.

Lexa stood there for a moment, feeling terrible and unsure if she should follow, until Finn spoke up.

“Nice throw,” he said quietly, though she couldn't tell if it was sarcasm or disappointment, and she glared as he took off in a jog to get his bag.

With a disappointed sigh, she finally went to get her own bag, and kept a slight distance as she walked behind Clarke and Finn, watching as they walked together.

Clarke had never gotten mad at her like that before, and in all honesty, it kind of terrified Lexa. She hadn't meant to hit her.

She made it into the main building and silently walked passed Clarke, who was facing in towards her locker, and went to her own down at the very end of the hall, putting her stuff away. What should she say to Clarke? That she meant to hit Finn? It was true...but still, she was worried Clarke wouldn't want to hear it.

“Hey,” Raven greeted her, having put her own stuff away in her locker.

“Hey,” Lexa said quietly, and Raven's brows pulled together as they began to walk.

“What's wrong?” she asked, and Lexa looked ahead, keeping her eyes on Clarke as she continued to exchange her books out of her locker.

“Clarke's mad at me because I accidentally hit her in the face with a ball during P.E.,” she said quietly, and Raven let out a light snort, covering her mouth. Lexa looked at her with a glare, and she made a face.

“I'm sorry,” she said, and gave her a sympathetic smile. “I'm sure she knows it was an accident. She'll forgive you.”

“I hope so...”

Lexa's heart began to race as they approached Clarke, but Octavia suddenly popped up.

“Hey! You guys ready?” she asked happily, but Clarke didn't say anything, nor did she look at Lexa who also remained silent, staring off to the side, and with a slightly awkward smile, Octavia nodded.

“...O-kay...I guess we can start going, then...” she said, and they began walking towards the cafeteria.

 

“—Aww, that's so sad.” She put a hand to her heart.

“Well...it wasn't the worst thing that had happened between us after all of these years,” Lexa said, looking down.

“Please, do tell...”

 

Once they got their food and sat down, Raven suddenly ducked behind Clarke.

“What are you doing?” Octavia asked curiously, who was sitting on the other side with Lexa.

“Hiding from Murphy! He keeps trying to talk to me,” she whispered as she made a disgusted face, and when he walked away and sat down, she relaxed. “I don't know what his deal is.”

“Ew, he likes you!” Octavia pointed with a laugh, and Raven glared.

“Shut up! What about Clarke? Finn's been eye-balling her ever since this morning,” Raven said with a snicker, and Lexa kept her eyes down towards her food as Clarke scoffed.

“He has _not_.”

“Whatever you say...” Raven sang, and then looked up. “Aw, I forgot to get my chocolate milk! I'll be right back.”

“Wait for me, I forgot to get ketchup!” Octavia said, getting up with her, and they left Clarke and Lexa in silence.

She glanced up at Clarke, only to find her staring down at her food. She still felt terrible, and suddenly her mouth was speaking before she could tell her brain to wait and think through a better apology.

“I'm really sorry,” she said quietly, returning her eyes to her food.

It was silent for a moment, increasing her worry, until Clarke finally sighed gently.

“It's alright,” she said, but Lexa kept her eyes down, not wanting to see the disappointment on Clarke's face. Even though it truly was an accident, she felt like she really made Clarke mad because it happened in front of Finn, and it probably embarrassed her.

Suddenly, a french fry hit her in the chest, surprising her, and she looked up to see Clarke smirking.

“It's okay, Lexa. I just thought my best friend had better aim than that. I guess I was wrong,” she teased her. A small smile slowly formed on Lexa's lips as they stared at each other, and she knew.

All was alright between them again.

 

“—Okay, this is cute and all, but can you get to the more interesting stuff?” she asked, and Lexa raised her brows.

“Oh, I'm sorry that you asked for _every_ detail of my apparently boring childhood life,” she said sarcastically.

“No, you know what I mean? Like, did Clarke start dating Finn? Did you realize you liked her as more than a friend? Did you punch Finn in the nose yet?” she asked eagerly, and Lexa sighed gently with a shake of her head.

“No. Most of sixth to eighth grade were pretty normal. Clarke's dad forbid her from dating until she was older, I wasn't quite questioning my sexuality yet, and I did not punch Finn.”

“Did _anything_ interesting happen before high school?” she asked, and Lexa thought for a moment, until she shrugged.

“I got a bike for one of my birthdays, so I started riding to Clarke's house more often, and I got my tonsils taken out.”

“Ugh. You're killing me,” she whined as she threw her head back, and Lexa rolled her eyes.

“Fine. I'll skip ahead, then.”

 

Lexa's entire summer before Freshman year was a bust, in her opinion.

Sure, she got to see Clarke for some of it in the first few weeks, but her parents had signed her up for an art summer camp that took up the majority of it. She did send Lexa handmade postcards, which she absolutely loved and stuck up on her wall, but just before she got back, Lexa's family had then decided to visit and stay with relatives up north for a sort of family reunion where she just sat and either listened to the adults talk, or she read a lot, because Anya was too busy tanning and playing on her phone that Uncle Gus got her for Christmas, and Nyko was off somewhere with the older boys, and when they returned, once again everyone was busy preparing to go back to school.

She did get to see Octavia more often this time around though, because they had both joined community soccer, whereas Raven went to science camp again, so she didn't see her at all.

She couldn't believe though that her and Clarke nearly went through an entire summer without seeing each other, but the day had _finally_ come.

 

She stood in front of her mirror to check out her outfit.

She had definitely grown quite a few more inches over the summer, but that wasn't the only thing that had changed. Her feet had gotten bigger, her hair had gotten longer, her face had thinned a bit more, and her hips had somewhat gotten wider, along with the top part of her that she wasn't too thrilled about, but thankfully not by much.

She felt slightly awkward, trying to adjust and get used to the bras that Anya had given her and told her she _needed_ to start wearing, but the wires dug into her ribs and some of the fabric irritated her skin, until she finally shook her head and switched to a comfortable sports bra.

_That's better._ She thought with a nod, and grabbed her backpack to head out alone to the bus.

Lexa was used to walking alone to the bus stop now, as Anya had made friends with some of the older kids at school, and they began to give her rides before and after school once Nyko graduated, so she had stopped riding the bus entirely. Lexa didn't really care though, because she still never once got to sit with her, and when Nyko used to give Anya rides to the high school last year when he got his car, he would offer to drop Lexa off at her school, but she couldn't let Octavia ride the bus alone.

Now, they were the kids who sat in the back while the younger ones sat in front.

“Hey!” Octavia spotted her when she got on, and Lexa smiled as she sat down.

They began comparing all of their classes, obviously having gotten more now that they were officially high-schoolers, but she already knew she had a few classes with Clarke as they had talked about it on the phone when they received their list of classes before school officially started. This time, they had Study Hall, Science, and Art together.

 

Once the bus dropped them off, there weren't very many kids there yet, but as they waited outside near the side entrance, the school slowly began to fill up.

Suddenly, a car pulled up with loud rock music blasting inside, and everyone looked up to see Raven getting out of it, which oddly didn't surprise Lexa, and she waved her aunt goodbye before she pulled away.

“Hey, hey, bitches!” she called out excitedly when she spotted the two, and Lexa waved while Octavia sighed.

“Do you have to have such a potty mouth?” she asked her with a shake of her head, and Raven shrugged.

“We're high-schoolers now! It's like...a right of passage,” she said, and Octavia raised a brow in confusion. “Anyway, where's Clarke?” she asked, looking around.

“She's not here yet,” Lexa said, and they all continued to stand around and talk as more students showed up.

Lexa was anxious to see Clarke again, since she practically hadn't seen her all summer, and finally, she spotted her father's car pulling into the parking lot.

“Hey, there she is. Let's go,” Raven said, leading the way, and Octavia and Lexa followed. She felt her nerves rising, and a part of her wondered why she always got so nervous to see Clarke.

Sure, she was excited to see the other two, but with Clarke it just felt...different somehow, but she just passed it off as extreme excitement to see her best friend.

She fixed her black fitted t-shirt, which she had grown a little more into wearing girls' clothes, but her style was still more 'tomboyish'—as Anya had put it—and this one featured one of her favorite rock bands on it that she had received from Nyko for Christmas, rather than being anything frilly or brightly-colored like the other girls she saw.

She ran her fingers through her hair, letting it fall casually over to the side in a cascade of soft waves, and she tried to appear calm and cool as Clarke's father's car pulled up to the curb, but she was excited and nervous on the inside.

Finally, Clarke stepped out, immediately greeting everyone excitedly.

“Hey guys!”

Her father honked and everyone waved as he left, and when Clarke turned back around just as they approached her, Lexa could tell that she had definitely matured.

She looked even prettier than Lexa had remembered. Her hair was even longer, the top half softly pinned back as the rest fell in soft curly waves, her eyebrows had become more defined—Was that something people often noticed?—her skin looked smooth and fair, and she seemed to have grown up to Raven's height, but Lexa suddenly realized that the rest of her body seemed more...developed as well.

However, she wasn't the only one to notice that.

“—Holy shit, Clarke. Your boobs are huge!” Raven suddenly said, poking a finger into Clarke's chest, and she chuckled nervously as she slapped her hand away, and her cheeks became bright red.

“ _Shut up,_ _Raven_ _!”_

“And watch your mouth!” Octavia spoke up, causing Raven to roll her eyes.

“Alright, _Mom_. Anyway, is that bra even padded, or is that all you?”

“Oh my god, Raven, _stop_ ,” Clarke laughed awkwardly, crossing her arms over her chest as they began to walk in towards the school.

Lexa didn't know what to say, so she just remained silent, feeling quite awkward to be talking about this specific body part, especially Clarke's.

“My aunt says I'm not ready for an actual bra yet, so I only have sports bras...” Raven said, looking down at herself. “But she said I could fake it 'til I make it if I wanted...”

“Your aunt is so weird...” Octavia said while making a face, and Raven shrugged.

“She keeps things real.”

 

“—What perverts,” she said, and Lexa rolled her eyes.

“Oh my god. It wasn't like _that_. Did you not compare yourself to your friends when you were developing?” Lexa asked with a sigh, and she thought about it for a moment, before shrugging.

“Okay. I guess you're right...”

 

The first week of their Freshman year went by in a blur, and naturally, Lexa found herself at Clarke's house for the weekend. She invited the other two to stay the night as well so they could all watch movies, hang out, and talk about everything.

“So, has Murphy tried talking to you yet?” Octavia asked with a smirk, licking the ice cream off of her spoon as her and Raven sat on the floor while Clarke and Lexa were on Clarke's bed.

“Oh my god, I didn't even tell you guys. I have him in Study Hall, and he talked to me _the entire time_ ,” Raven said with irritation.

“What'd he say?” Clarke asked, lying on her stomach while Lexa sat cross-legged next to her.

“He just talked about all of the stupid stuff he did during the summer like, let off fireworks in his back yard, rode around on his dirt bike, supposedly _'got chased by a cop'_ ,” she said the last part in a sarcastic deep voice, and rolled her eyes as the others laughed. “I think he was thinking I would be impressed or something, but I just told him he was an idiot.”

“Sounds like him, though,” Octavia said with a smirk, and then sat up more. “—Ooh, have you guys seen that new kid, Lincoln?” she asked excitedly.

“The tall quiet sophomore who looks like someone stole his favorite pudding?” Raven asked, and nodded. “Yeah. What about him?”

Octavia rolled her eyes, and then began smiling widely. “I think he's super cute,” she giggled.

“You should ask him out,” Raven said, but Octavia's eyes went wide.

“I can't do that!” she said as if it were an absurd idea.

“Why not?” Clarke frowned, and Octavia raised her brows, looking at all of them as if it were obvious.

“Hello! My big stupid Senior brother? He would never let me,” she said, and Raven made a face.

“Your brother is not your dad,” she said, and Octavia sighed.

“No, but he acts like it a lot of the time. It's so annoying. He's always like, _'_ _I'm your big brother, I have to watch out for you. You're my sister, my responsibility, blah blah blah'_ ,” she mimicked him in a fake deep voice, and the others laughed again.

“Well, speaking of cute boys...I think Kyle Wick is kinda cute,” Raven said with a light shrug, and Octavia's eyebrows shot up.

“Kyle Wick?” she asked, Raven looked at her questioningly.

“...Yes. Why?”

“He's a Senior!”

“So?”

“He's way too old for you,” Octavia said, shaking her head, and Raven rolled her eyes.

“Doesn't mean I can't think that he's cute,” she shot back. “What about you guys?” Raven then asked, looking up at the two, and Lexa shrugged before looking to Clarke. She didn't say anything, and Raven squinted at her. “...Clarke?” she asked suspiciously, and Clarke tried not to smile as she stuck her spoon in her mouth.

“Who is it!” Octavia asked excitedly, and Clarke shrugged.

“No one...” she trailed off, but Lexa could tell she was lying. Her curiosity surged.

“Tell us!” Raven demanded, sitting up more, and Lexa watched Clarke as she shook her head.

“No. You'll make fun of me,” she said with a slight frown, and Raven sighed.

“ _Oh my god_ , just tell us,” she said with a firm tone, and Clarke looked around at all of them before she finally let out a sigh of her own.

“Fine...I kinda think...” she paused, seeming hesitant to say, but as they all stared at her, she sighed again. _“IkindathinkFinniscute,”_ she said really quick, turning her head away, and Raven's mouth dropped open as Octavia giggled.

Lexa, on the other hand, felt an odd tightness in her chest, and lightly clenched her jaw.

Of all people in the entire school, why did it have to be _Finn Collins_? It wasn't that she thought he was ugly—though she didn't think he was the least bit cute either—but there was just something about him that she just didn't like. Just picturing him and Clarke together brought up a sort of fire in her chest. She didn't like it, but why? She wasn't sure. Maybe it was the fact that he used to pick on her and tease her when they were little. That had to be it.

“Ew, no way!”

“He's got that _Boy Meets World_ Shawn Hunter hairdo going on!”

“Shut up, you guys! This is why I didn't want to tell you!” Clarke said, turning red as the other two teased her, and when she looked up at Lexa, she quickly forced a smile, but she had nothing to say—nothing nice, at least.

“What about you, Lexa?” Raven then asked, and Lexa suddenly froze as her eyes snapped to her.

“Uhm...” She thought for a moment.

She wasn't sure why she didn't think they would ask her the same question, but as her brain began going through the boys she knew...she just didn't think of one. She didn't think any boy was cute, really.

“...Well?” Raven asked when she didn't say anything, and she slowly shrugged.

“No one,” she said, and they stared at her with suspicious eyes as she looked at all of them. “...Really. I don't think anyone is cute,” she said honestly, but their faces told her they didn't believe her.

“There's got to be _someone_ ,” Raven accused, and Lexa tried to think harder, but she just really couldn't, and she began to feel kind of confused. Wasn't she supposed to start having crushes on boys by now? Most girls would at their age, wouldn't they? It was obvious her friends did, but why not her?

Sure, some of them looked—for a lack of a better term— _nice_ , but she didn't think they were cute in a way that would make her giggle like Octavia, or turn red like Clarke.

There wasn't one single boy that came to mind when she thought of the term 'cute', and she wondered why. Was she just not ready?

Was there something wrong with her?

 

“—Aww, Baby Gay Lexa finally makes an appearance!” she said excitedly, and Lexa chuckled softly.

“It still took a while before I realized, or...discovered myself,” she said, thinking back on those moments.

“Well! Go on!”

 

“There's literally no one?” Raven asked, still going on about it a week later.

“ _No,_ Raven,” Lexa said with slight irritation as they walked together to Math on Friday. She didn't understand why it mattered so much. School was more important to think about, anyways.

“You don't think _any_ boy is cute?” she asked her, and Lexa clenched her jaw as they sat down.

“Why do I _have_ to?” she finally asked her, and Raven looked at her as if she were crazy.

“Because your high school years are when you have crushes, go on dates, get your heart broken...!” she trailed off, and Lexa raised a brow.

“Who told you that?”

“My aunt of course.” She shrugged, and then suddenly stopped, looking at Lexa as if she had just discovered a new species, and Lexa slightly leaned away from her with a worried look.

“What?”

“—Wait, are you…? I mean, do you…?” she trailed off, and Lexa's brows pulled together.

“Do I what?” she asked, but suddenly the bell rang, and the teacher told them to quiet down to start their lesson.

 

Once the class was over, Lexa wanted to ask Raven what she was going to say, but the teacher had called Raven aside to talk to her, so Lexa went on ahead so she wouldn't be late for her last class.

She knew she wouldn't see Raven at the end of the day, as her bus was one of the first to leave, and after she and Octavia had said goodbye to Clarke, she went home for the weekend, trying hard not to think about what Raven was going to say, but the curiosity was buzzing around her brain.

She sat in her room, shaking her foot as she tried to focus on homework to get it over and done with, but she finally sighed and got up to head downstairs. No one was in the kitchen, and so she grabbed the phone and dialed Raven's house, shaking her foot impatiently as it rang.

“ _Hello?”_ She recognized Raven's aunt's voice.

“Hi, is Raven there? This is Lexa,” she said, trying to sound polite.

“ _Oh yeah, one second...”_ Raven's aunt said, and suddenly in the distance, Lexa heard her yell out. _“Raven! Phone call!”_

It was silent for a moment, until she heard her yell again.

“ _I'm not bringing it up to you! Get off your lazy butt!”_

It was silent again.

“ _No,_ you _come get it! ...Nope! I'm leaving it on the bottom of the stairs then, you lazy bum!”_

It was silent for a few more seconds until Lexa heard loud footsteps, and then the phone being picked up.

“ _Hello?”_

“Hey, Raven, it's Lexa,” she said, and before she could let her speak, her words were pouring out of her mouth. “What were you going to ask me in math today?”

“ _Oh, uhm...nothing, really,”_ she said, trying to sound casual, but Lexa felt like something was up.

“Seriously, what were you going to ask me?” she asked more sternly, and she heard Raven lightly sigh.

“ _Hold on a second...”_ she said, and Lexa could hear her moving about, and what sounded like her running up the steps. She finally spoke again. _“I was just gonna ask you if...well, okay...you don't think any boys are cute, right?”_

“Yes, but I've already told you that,” Lexa sighed, becoming impatient.

“ _Well...do you know what my aunt is?”_ she then asked, and Lexa became confused.

“What your aunt is? What do you mean?”

“ _Well, she's a…she's a lesbian, so...”_

Lexa's confusion only grew as she had never heard that word before. “A what?”

“ _A lesbian. Do you know what that is?”_ Raven asked, her voice low, and Lexa sighed heavily again.

“Obviously not, Raven. Just say it,” Lexa demanded, irritation rising in her.

“ _A lesbian is someone who only likes girls,”_ she said, and Lexa froze.

She felt this odd sensation run through her, and her words got caught up in her throat, even though she was unsure of what to even say. She finally understood what Raven was getting at, and she wondered if she was implying that Lexa was...gay.

“ _...Lexa? You still there?”_ Raven asked somewhat hesitantly, breaking her out of her thoughts, and her eyes fluttered for a second as she regained herself.

“A-Are you...asking me, if—What are you trying to say?” Lexa asked, fumbling over her words as her mind began to race.

No. She wasn't...She had never thought...Was she?

She suddenly felt like her mind was suddenly opened to a whole other world she had never really thought of before, and her heart raced. She wasn't...right?

“ _...Are you?”_ Raven asked, sounding just as confused, and Lexa suddenly felt herself becoming slightly angry and defensive. Why? She wasn't sure. Probably because she didn't understand, and she didn't like it when she didn't understand something...especially when it came to herself.

“N-No, I…j-just because I don't think boys are cute doesn't mean—“ She suddenly stopped as Anya came down the stairs, barely giving her so much as a glance as she walked into the kitchen and right to the fridge. Lexa felt her cheeks becoming red. “—I have to go. I'll talk to you later.”

“— _Lexa, wait—“_ She heard before she hung up the phone.

She leaned back against the counter, slightly gripping the edge and staring down at the floor. She felt confused and...strange as her mind buzzed with questions she had never thought of before.

“What's wrong with you?” Anya asked in a bored voice as she took a drink of the soda in her hand, staring at Lexa.

She looked up and—

 

“—Wait just _one_ second,” she said, and Lexa sighed.

“What now?”

“I'm getting hungry,” she said, getting up from the couch and heading towards the kitchen.

Lexa sighed again and dropped her head back, staring up at the dimly lit ceiling.

This story was going longer than she had planned.

And it was still just the beginning.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just another silly chapter to keep things going!  
> Hope you guys enjoy :)

“Okay, okay, I'm ready,” she said, sitting down with a bag of mini-frosted doughnuts. “So, you just talked to Raven, who basically asked if you were gay...”

“Right. I just got off of the phone, and...”

 

“What's wrong with you?” Anya asked in a bored voice as she took a drink of the soda in her hand, staring at Lexa.

She looked up and opened her mouth, but closed it again, unsure of what to say, or ask, or...what to even do.

“—Okay, whatever,” Anya said with a shrug when she remained quiet, and she began to walk away.

Lexa wanted to ask, seeing as Anya was older and probably knew more, but she kept quiet instead, still just trying to wrap her head around it, and she finally headed upstairs to her room with her mind buzzing even more than before.

She lied on her bed, her mind going through everything she knew about...homosexuality.

Sure, she had seen it before when she watched movies on the TV, but then again she never really watched TV a whole lot in the first place, so there wasn't much to go off of that. She tried to think back on the books she read, but none of the ones she read so far ever had a gay character that she could remember…

Which brought her back to the thoughts that she never had before.

Just because she didn't think boys were cute didn't make her gay, did it? Of course not. There were those that just didn't think about people in that way. There was way more to it than that.

But as she thought about herself...there was an odd sensation in her. One she couldn't quite put her finger on.

She looked around her room, and as her eyes landed on her poster of her favorite band, she stared at each of the members.

Sure, she thought the female lead singer was very pretty, but...well, other people, girls who admired the band, would too, wouldn't they? But she never thought about it in _that_ way. —Not that she was aware of, at least.

_The lead guitarist is cute._ She said to herself as she looked at him, but she kind of felt weird and the thought seemed a little..forced, and her eyes went back to the lead singer again. _Her eyes are pretty, and her voice is really good. I like her hair...and the way she moves when she's on stage…_

Suddenly, she felt weird—no, maybe not weird...but _something_ as she pictured the lead singer moving around in one of the music videos she had seen, and she remembered when she had first watched it, she couldn't take her eyes off of her. But that just couldn't be it…

She tried to think back on of all the people in her school. Boys, girls, anyone.

Yes, she did think her third grade teacher was very pretty, with her long straight brown hair, and she had that dimple on her cheek, and whenever she would compliment Lexa on her work it made her feel really good…

She remembered a time when all of the girls were gushing about the coach's assistant, who was younger and more muscular, with sandy blonde hair and blue eyes—definitely not as pretty as Clarke's, though—but she never thought he was cute. She remembered how shocked they were when she didn't agree.

And then there was Clarke.

She had always thought Clarke was cute, pretty, adorable...and any other word of the sort, but didn't best friends think of each other like that? Sure, she's always had this... _need_ to protect her, make her feel good, make sure she was happy, but...best friends did that right? What about Raven and Octavia though?

Yes, she thought they were pretty, and funny and great friends, but it didn't feel the same as the way she thought about Clarke.

What did that all _mean_ , though?

She sat up and shook her head, unsure of what was going on with her now.

Where was this coming from? —Well, she knew it was from what Raven had asked her, but where was all of this...confusion suddenly coming from? Why was it nagging at her now? Why did this suddenly seem so important to figure out?

_Damnit, Raven._

She sighed and rubbed her eyes, deciding she needed to push away the thoughts for now, and focus on homework instead.

 

“—How did you figure it out?” she asked, and Lexa looked away in thought.

“It's...not something that you just figure out like a simple math problem—Not for me, at least. I can't speak for anyone else. It still took some time, but...looking back on it now, it feels like I always knew somehow,” Lexa said slowly, and she nodded.

“I get it.”

 

That following Sunday, the thought was still gnawing at Lexa.

“If you don't stop shaking your foot, _sit on the floor_ ,” Anya said with annoyance as they both sat in the living room—Lexa watching TV for once. She had managed to finish all of her homework so she was free for the rest of the weekend, but Clarke's family had made plans, and Lexa couldn't focus enough to read her current book to distract herself, so she had opted for trying to watch TV in hopes that it would occupy her mind.

Apparently, it wasn't.

“Sorry,” Lexa sighed, trying hard to keep her foot still, and she crossed her arms over her chest, staring hard at the screen.

It seemed like ever since Raven brought that up to her, she just _couldn't_ stop thinking about it. She realized every person she looked at in magazines, books covers, TV shows, pictures, _anything_ , she was comparing the men and women, trying to rationalize, and make sense of it, but it only scrambled her brain.

After a few moments, Anya suddenly sighed and turned off the TV.

“—Alright. _Fi_ _ne_ , what is it?” she asked sternly, but there was slight concern in her tone, and Lexa looked to her with confusion.

“What?” she questioned, and suddenly realized she was shaking her foot again, and stopped it. “...Sorry.”

“Obviously there's something bothering you?” Anya asked, still sounding a bit annoyed.

Lexa wanted to tell her she was fine and to just ignore her, but she felt like she needed to ask, or it was going to keep eating at her.

She hesitated for a moment, but it was just the two of them, and she finally took a deep breath.

“Anya, do you...know what a lesbian is?”

“Yes,” Anya said with slight confusion. “There's supposedly a new girl in my Junior class who is. Why?”

“Well...” Lexa tried to think of the easiest way to go about it, and a thought came to mind. “My friend and I were just talking about it. Just out of curiosity. How...How does she know?” she asked, trying to sound casual, and Anya shrugged.

“I don't know, she just knows,” she said, and then she began staring at Lexa as if she were trying to figure something out. “...Why?” she asked again more curiously.

“Oh, I dunno...We were just wondering,” Lexa said, looking away again, and after a silent moment, she heard Anya sigh once more.

“Come on,” she said, standing up, and Lexa looked up confused.

“Where are we going?”

“Just _come on_ ,” she said more impatiently, and began to head upstairs.

Lexa quickly got up and followed her all the way to her own room, and she became more confused as Anya told her to sit on the bed.

“What are we doing?”

“Don't ask and just do what I say,” she said with a sigh, though it wasn't an annoyed one, and Lexa sat on her bed. “Alright, close your eyes.”

“Why?” Lexa asked right away without thinking, and Anya raised a brow. “Sorry,” Lexa said, frowning slightly, and closed her eyes.

Suddenly, Anya turned off the light, and it became pitch black.

“Try not to think too hard, and just...go with your feelings or whatever,” she heard Anya's voice, and Lexa waited anxiously.

What was she going to do?

“Alright, have you heard of 'Seven Minutes in Heaven'?” she asked her, and Lexa knew of it from seeing it in a movie.

“Uhh...yes? But why—“

“— _Shh._ ” Anya cut her off abruptly, and Lexa fell silent. “Now...imagine you're at a party, and you're playing the game. You're in the closet, but you can't see the other person because it is pitch black,” she says, and Lexa tries to imagine it—even though it would be pitch black like she said, but she tries to use her advice and just feel. “So, you and this other person both know you're going to kiss. You were hoping this person would be picked, and you're excited that it was them. You get ready...you can feel them leaning in...their lips are pressed against yours...you're kissing them back,” Anya says in a surprisingly soothing voice, and Lexa is picturing—or _feeling_ —it, trying not to think too hard like she had said.

“You're enjoying it...this feels completely comfortable and right...” she says, and Lexa nods, even though she can't see her. “—Suddenly, the door opens and the light turns on!” she says quickly, and she actually turned on the light, causing Lexa to jump slightly, but she kept her eyes closed as she imagined the scenario going on in her head. “...Who do you see sitting in front of you?”

Suddenly, Lexa's heart began to race as the first image of the person comes right into her mind. She pictures them pulling back, their lips slightly parted, looking at her with surprised blue eyes...and long blonde hair.

Lexa quickly opened her eyes, feeling an odd fluttering, tingling sensation, and she swallowed hard as her thoughts began to race.

Why?

Why... _her_?

“So…?” Anya slowly questioned, crossing her arms over her chest as she waited, and Lexa realized what Anya had done. She realized Anya saw right passed her 'just out of curiosity' question.

Lexa looked up at her with confused eyes, and then looked away with a creased brow, trying to figure this all out. What it all meant.

Of course she always thought she was pretty. Of course she liked her and her personality, and they liked a lot of the same things, but...did Lexa actually... _like_ her? Or was she just imagining the person she was most comfortable with? That had to be it, right?

She was confused, and honestly...uncertain.

“I'm guessing you got your answer,” Anya said gently, and with a knowing smirk, she left her room.

 

“—You pictured Clarke,” she said, and Lexa nodded.

“I did.”

“And that's when you knew?” she asked, and Lexa knew what she was referring to.

“Well...not entirely. I still had many questions, and...I kept it to myself for a while because I just learned something new about myself. I...didn't know how to handle all of these new feelings it gave me.”

“Okay, so what happened next?”

 

That Monday Lexa tried to act as normal as possible.

She pushed the thoughts away from her mind as best as she could, and tried hard to focus on school and her work instead.

Thankfully, Raven didn't say anything, or bring up their conversation...Not until they walked together to Math, that is.

“So, uhm...about that talk Friday...” Raven scratched her head, looking uncertain.

“What about it?” Lexa asked, keeping her features cool.

“Well, I-I wasn't trying to say...I was just...” Raven trailed off, having a hard time wording it, and Lexa interrupted her before she could continue fumbling over her words.

“I know, and it's just...I don't think about anyone like that,” she lied convincingly. “I'm just too focused on school to really think about those things, you know? These years are the important ones...at least, that's what my mom says.” Lexa shrugged. “So, I'm just more focused on school, that's all,” she said, and Raven nodded.

And that's exactly what she had tried to do.

She tried to stay more focused on her work and her studies, because truly she did want to get good grades and go to college, but also to keep herself from thinking about these... _new things_.

She acted like her normal self—well, as best as she could—especially around Raven and...Clarke. But now, she noticed a lot more things that... _sparked_ a few new feelings she had never quite paid attention to before, or she pushed away, and as the year went on, it continued to slowly gnaw at her.

She began to notice a lot more about the way Clarke would brush a strand of hair away from her face and tuck it behind her ear when she was nervous about something, or the way she would bite down on her bottom lip when she had a cunning idea brewing in her head for a new art piece, or the way her eyes would light up when she was excited about something.

She knew of all of these small motions before, but now...it felt like her body was paying attention to them for the first time, and giving her strange tingles and flutters when she would witness them.

And now that her body was more aware, every time Clarke smiled at her, hugged her, or even just _touched_ her, it would send sparks shooting through her and make her stomach tight in knots, but she tried hard to ignore them. Why didn't she feel the same thing when the other two hugged her or touched her arm?

Honestly, it was starting to drive her a little bit crazy, because she didn't quite understand it, and she found herself becoming more easily irritated as time went on.

For example, when Christmas time came around, Lexa _needed_ to find Clarke the best gift.

“What about these bracelets?” her mother asked, pointing as they stood near the jewelry section.

“No, she already got us bracelets. I need to get her something that she really likes and will use,” she said with irritation. They had been shopping around for a while at that point.

“I'm sure she'll like whatever you get her,” her mother said with reassurance, but Lexa shook her head.

“But I don't want to just get her something insignificant and useless. It needs to have thought and meaning into it,” she huffed, and her mother tilted her head.

“Then, why don't you make her something instead?” she asked gently, trying to help her.

“I'm not artsy or crafty like she is! If I try to make her something it will just end up being stupid!” she nearly snapped angrily, and her mother frowned hard at her.

“What has gotten into you, Lexa?” she asked her, and Lexa realized she was being a bit over the top, but she couldn't help it.

Was it just puberty and hormones throwing her emotions and feelings all around, or was it the fact that she felt like she didn't quite understand herself and all of these strong emotions and things she was feeling?

However, it only continued to grow.

She felt like she was keeping a secret, especially from Clarke, but how could she if she didn't quite understand it herself? Still, it seemed like she wasn't trying to understand it more than she was just trying to bury it deeper and deeper, but it seemed the harder she tried, the more it ate at her.

For instance, when Valentine's Day had approached, Raven had shown everyone that she had received a Valentine's candy gram from Murphy, which she proceeded to keep the candy and throw the gram away, and they all laughed about it, but when Clarke revealed that Finn had sent her one as well, Lexa was annoyed.

“Doesn't he know by now that your dad isn't going to let you date anyone? Why does he waste his time doing stuff like this?” she blurted out in irritation before her brain could tell her to shut up, and she glanced up at Clarke cautiously as she became quiet and looked away with a mixed look of confusion and surprise.

She hadn't quite meant to say that out loud.

“I...I have to go to the bathroom,” Clarke said after a moment, standing up and walking away before Lexa could apologize or explain, and she watched with disappointment in herself as Clarke disappeared.

Raven and Octavia both looked at her with the same confused and surprised look, and Lexa became more irritated with herself, which leaked into her next words.

“What? I'm just saying, why bother if he knows nothing is going to happen?” she asked, looking at the other two for validation, and Octavia looked down at her food silently as Raven gently raised a brow in question towards her.

She sighed and looked away, feeling a slight burning in her chest.

What was going on with her?

 

“—Ah, young teen angst,” she teased gently, and Lexa smiled.

“Oh, it gets a little worse, but in a different way.” She nodded.

“Oh boy...”

 

Thankfully, Lexa had sports like soccer to let out... _most_ of her frustration.

And it did help. She quickly became one of their best—and probably most intimidating—players, along with Octavia and Raven, and during their home games, when she would look up and see Clarke cheering her on with her mother, it made her feel better.

Unfortunately, during mid-season, a girl on the opposing team had done a slide-tackle into Raven, which had greatly injured her. She wound up with a torn ACL that resulted in her having to get surgery, and she was out for the rest of the season.

Lexa and the others felt terrible, watching Raven have to go through such a thing and ending up wearing a knee brace, that they all helped her as best as they could, and just being there for her.

However, it sort of shifted their relationships. Not that Lexa was blaming anyone, especially not Raven, but Clarke's mother _was_ Raven's doctor, and it just seemed like they were spending quite a bit of time together with her therapy, while Octavia and Lexa had grown closer as they continued the rest of the season.

It sucked, and it made Lexa feel...distant from Clarke, but she didn't want to bring it up and make a mountain out of a molehill, so she did what she was becoming good at.

She kept it to herself.

Lexa didn't really think Clarke had noticed, or maybe she just didn't care, until one day during lunch when Octavia was helping Raven get her food.

“Hey...so,” Clarke began, seeming a little hesitant, and Lexa looked up.

“Yes?”

“I...I wanted to talk to you about something,” she said, and Lexa watched as she brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, staring down at the table for a moment, before she finally looked up with concern. “Is...something wrong?” she finally asked, and Lexa's brows gently pulled together.

“What do you mean?” she asked her, wanting to hear Clarke's thoughts first.

“Well,” Clarke shifted in her seat, “It's just that...we don't really hang out or talk as much as we used to...” she paused, her eyes roaming the table as if she would find the right words there. “And...you've been a little distant, and...I don't know, you just seem irritated lately, and I've kind of been hesitant to talk to you about it,” she said with slight timidness as if Lexa would go off on her or something, and as Lexa stared at her, she took a deep breath. “—What I'm really trying to say is that I just...I miss us. I miss you.”

Lexa felt her stomach clench lightly with a fluttering feeling, and she looked down for a moment as Clarke stared at her. If she were to be honest, it was nice to hear that. It made her happy.

“I've just been...focused on school and soccer a lot,” she said, and though it wasn't a complete lie, it wasn't the entire truth either. “But...I miss you too, Clarke,” she said honestly, looking up with a sad smile.

“Well, let's hang out this weekend, like we used to. I don't care who's house, let's just spend the entire weekend together, yeah?” she asked hopeful, and as Lexa continued to stare at her, she smiled and nodded her head. She couldn't say no to her, and maybe this is what she needed.

“Yeah, let's do it.”

“Great. Just the two of us. No one else, and we can talk about anything and everything, and watch movies, and eat junk food,” Clarke said more excitedly with a smile, biting her bottom lip for a moment. “I feel like it's been so long since we've done that,” she said, and Lexa nodded in agreement, but a thought came to mind. It pressed heavily on her, urging her to tell Clarke now while they were sitting alone.

“Uhm...Clarke, can I be honest with you?” Lexa finally asked, looking up, and Clarke nodded.

“Of course you can.”

Lexa took a deep breath. Should she tell her now what has been on her mind since near the beginning of the year? Should she finally be open and honest with what she was going through, or just wait until the weekend? But could she wait until then to know what Clarke thought?

She was her best friend, after all.

“Well, I—“

“—Hey, Clarke, did you do that assignment for Jones's class already?” Nathan Miller suddenly seemed to have popped up out of nowhere, holding his tray of food, and they both looked up.

_Perfect timing._ Lexa thought bitterly as she stared up at him.

“Uhm, yeah, I finished it already. Why?” Clarke asked, and he smiled somewhat sheepishly.

“Well, I'm having kind of a hard time with it, and I was wondering if you could help me with it before it's due Friday?” he asked, and Clarke nodded.

“Yeah, of course. We can go over it in Study Hall.”

“Great. Thanks.” He smiled at her, and once he left, Clarke looked back at her.

“What were you going to say?” she asked, but she could see Raven and Octavia making their way towards their table from behind Clarke, and she didn't want to talk about this out loud or in front of them.

“Oh, nothing.” She shook her head, and Clarke's brows pulled together.

“Lexa?” she asked with concern.

“I'll just wait until the weekend,” Lexa said real quick, and then looked up and smiled at the two as they sat down.

Clarke nodded her head as she finally understood, and as the other two began talking, she smiled at Lexa, and for once, Lexa began to actually feel better about this whole thing.

She smiled back.

 

“—I feel like something...not good is going to happen,” she said slowly, and Lexa somewhat nodded.

“Yes...and no.”

“Well, keep going! I'm dying in suspense!” she urged her on.

 

Finally, Friday had come, and both Clarke and Lexa made sure that their plans were going to go through. Lexa was going to go home, grab her stuff, and ride her bike to Clarke's house right after school, and she couldn't be more excited, nervous, anxious, and happy. She was finally going to just let it all out, and see what Clarke thought.

However, something happened that Lexa had never thought about before.

The school's Spring Dance.

As soon as it was announced during the morning's announcements, all of the students began asking one another left and right, and dread entered Lexa. She wasn't fond of the idea of dances, but Jasper Jordan had asked her to go, and then Monty Green, and then in an awkward, roundabout way, she was sure Nathan Miller had asked her, which she had turned each of them down and said she wasn't going. Which she honestly wasn't intending on going.

It came to no surprise that Octavia had said she built up the courage to ask the quiet Lincoln guy, but it was a slight surprise that he had said yes when they heard that when most of the other girls asked him, he said no to them. It was also no surprise that her older brother Bellamy said he would be there to keep an eye on her.

Obviously Murphy asked Raven to go, but she said she was already going with someone else—which she wasn't—and then she proceeded to ask Kyle Wick, who said he was already going with someone else, and when she was starting to run out of other options, she ended up asking Murphy herself, telling him that the person she was originally going with was 'from another school, but they can't go anymore', and he said yes, but she seemed annoyed by the thought.

However, it was absolutely no surprise that Finn had asked Clarke, and Lexa knew for certain that she was _not_ going to go to that dance.

“Wells Jaha asked me first, but then Finn had asked me as well, so I'm not sure. I might say yes to Finn,” Clarke said with a slight shrug during lunch as they talked about it, and then she looked up at Lexa. “Did anyone ask you yet?”

“A couple, but I'm not going,” Lexa stated firmly, and they all looked at her like she were crazy.

“What? Why not?” Octavia asked, and Lexa shrugged.

“Dances aren't really my thing,” she said honestly, but she wasn't about to tell them that she also didn't want to see Finn's cocky smirking face dancing with Clarke.

“No, you have to go! Please?” Clarke begged, but Lexa made a face, and shook her head.

“I don't really want to, and there's no one I would really want to go with anyway,” she said, though she felt slightly bad as Clarke frowned, seeming truly upset.

However, what Clarke said next caught her off guard.

“Then, go with me,” she suddenly said, and Lexa stopped for a second, staring at her strangely.

“...What?” she asked, confused. “But...you just said you might go with Finn.”

“I'll tell him and Wells I'm going with you,” she said with determination, and Lexa's stomach fluttered. “Lexa, this is our first official high school dance. We both have to go,” she pleaded again, and Lexa felt her cheeks starting to become hot at the thought of going to a dance with Clarke, even though it wouldn't be like that.

“You would do that just to get me to go?” she asked slowly, not quite fully believing it, but Clarke nodded her head.

“Yes.”

“I don't...I don't know,” she said, feeling awkward and bad that Clarke would give up going with someone she clearly liked just to get Lexa to go. She couldn't do that to her.

“—Lexa.” Clarke suddenly reached forward and grabbed her hand, and Lexa froze, staring at Clarke as her arm tingled. “Will you go to the Spring Dance with me?”

Lexa's stomach fluttered with butterflies again as she continued to stare at Clarke, who's face was serious and determined, and finally, she nodded her head.

“O-Okay.”

A wide smile broke out on Clarke's face. “Great. I'll go tell them right now,” she said, and before Lexa could even process what had just happened, she stood up from the lunch table, and they all watched as she approached Finn, pulled him off to the side, and began talking to him.

Lexa felt another wave of butterflies rush through her, and she felt her heart racing with excitement.

“Jeez, she really wants you to go,” Raven said as she stuffed a fry in her mouth, and Lexa smiled.

Maybe there was hope, after all.

 

The school day had finally ended, and once Lexa gathered all of her stuff, she said goodbye to her mom and headed to Clarke's house for the weekend.

Lexa felt much better about the whole thing—about everything, really. It seemed like things were going to start looking up.

“So...what did Finn say when you told him you changed your mind?” Lexa asked after they had ate dinner with Clarke's parents and then went up to her room. This was the first time in a while that they had been alone together, and Lexa tried not to think too hard on that fact.

“He was a little confused, but he understood and said he was still going to go and that I had to dance with him at least once,” Clarke said with a light shrug, and Lexa refrained from making a face. “Plus, I think my dad feels better about me going with you than him, or any boy for that matter, because he knows you won't try anything with me,” she chuckled.

“Right,” Lexa said, somewhat forcing a smile, and she looked away, trying to rid the images that flooded her mind.

“Anyways, you wanna watch a movie or something?” Clarke asked, and Lexa nodded.

“Great. I'll find some movies from downstairs, grab some snacks, and we can get into pajamas and just chill,” she said, getting up. “I'll be right back.”

As soon as she left, Lexa decided she should get changed really quick, pulling on an old, sleeveless t-shirt and pajamas, and she was sitting on Clarke's bed waiting by the time she got back.

“Here, you can pick one and put it in while I change,” she said, and Lexa nodded as Clarke pulled out her own pajamas and headed out to the bathroom.

Once Lexa picked one, she got up to put it into Clarke's DVD player, but suddenly something outside of the room caught her eye, and it took her a second before she realized she was staring at the reflection of Clarke through her bathroom mirror.

Being an only child, she basically had the whole upstairs to herself, which included the upstairs bathroom, and apparently she had become used to not quite fully shutting the door all of the way, and Lexa felt her cheeks becoming red hot as Clarke pulled her shirt up over her head, revealing a dark blue bra.

She quickly looked away before Clarke would notice she could see her, swallowing hard as her stomach tensed, and got the movie ready. She got back on the bed and took a deep breath, trying to push the image from her head.

However, as soon as she looked up when Clarke had come back in, the sight of her sent her stomach into a wild, nervous, fluttering frenzy.

Apparently, Clarke didn't wear loose t-shirts to sleep anymore, but rather a tight spaghetti strap and seemingly thin pajama bottoms that hung low on her hips.

She tried not to stare as Clarke put her dirty clothes in the hamper, feeling her adrenaline beginning to rush.

“Are you alright?” Clarke suddenly asked, and Lexa looked at her with slight worry.

“Yes, why?”

“Your face is a little red,” she said, walking closer. “I know it gets hot up here, which is why I wore this. Do you want something lighter to wear?” she asked, but Lexa shook her head.

“No, I'm fine.”

“Are you sure?” Clarke asked, tilting her head slightly, and Lexa lightly clenched her jaw.

“I'm just...a little thirsty is all.” She shrugged.

 

“—Yeah, _thirsty_ ,” she teased, and Lexa chuckled with a shake of her head.

“It was just severe teenage hormones, alright? I controlled myself.”

“Uh huh...”

 

It was about ten minutes into the movie, when Clarke suddenly looked over at Lexa as they sat against the headboard.

“Hey, I just remembered, you were going to tell me something at lunch,” she said, and Lexa's nerves immediately rose. She hadn't forgotten.

“Oh, it was nothing,” Lexa said, shaking her head. It just didn't seem like the appropriate time—or rather, her nerves were preventing her from talking. She didn't want to ruin the nice weekend they were supposed to have.

“Come on, Lexa. You know you can tell me anything. You're my best friend,” she said sincerely, and as Lexa stared at her, the last part of her words struck her.

They were best friends.

What if Lexa told her about the confusing feelings she was having and it actually ruined their friendship? How would Clarke even take it? What if she became weird and uncomfortable with it, and would no longer want to be alone with her, or have her sleep over anymore? What if she pushed her away?

The thought of losing her like that terrified Lexa. She couldn't lose Clarke.

“I...” Lexa tried to think, now feeling slightly panicked on the inside to find something else to say. “Do you...like Finn?” she asked instead, looking to her with uncertainty.

Clarke looked down in thought for a moment and shrugged lightly. “I mean...I think he's cute and all, but honestly? I've realized he can be kind of cocky sometimes. Why?” she asked her curiously.

“Well, I just...I don't really like him,” Lexa said quietly, and though it wasn't what she had intended on talking about, it was actually something that had been on her mind for a while. “I've noticed he flirts with a lot more girls lately, and I just...don't want you to get hurt,” she said slowly, and though it was her honest thoughts, she cautiously looked up for Clarke's reaction. Would she get mad at her for saying that?

“I see,” Clarke said, nodding her head slowly as she took in Lexa's words, but she looked up at her with a reassuring smile. “Well, don't worry, I'm still banned from dating until I'm thirty according to my dad,” she chuckled. “And plus...”

She suddenly scooted closer to Lexa, causing her to slightly tense up as she wrapped her arms around hers, and laid her head on her shoulder. “I have you to protect me and beat the boys up for me.”

“Of course,” Lexa chuckled, and as they started watching the movie again, Clarke didn't move from her new position against Lexa, and she smiled.

 

Even though Lexa had backed out of telling Clarke what was truly going on with her, she managed to push it all away, and for the rest of the night things felt...normal.

They made fun of the movies they watched, ate junk food, laughed, and talked until they fell asleep.

However, the thoughts that got pushed to the back of her mind slowly crept forward in her sleep, and she began to dream.

 

_She was at a party...or was it the dance? Everyone was moving around in nice clothes, laughing and dancing while she was sure music was going on, but everything was hazy around her. She couldn't focus on anyone or anything, until she saw Clarke that is._

_She was the only thing in focus, in a beautiful blue dress with her hair up and curled. She looked absolutely beautiful and almost glowing as she smiled at her, and before Lexa knew it, they were in a different room...playing a game._

_Clarke spun the bottle that everyone was circled around, and to Lexa's surprise, it landed on her. She looked up at Clarke to see her reaction, until suddenly she was being pulled by the hand, all the while Clarke smiling widely back at her._

_Her heart raced as they went into a dark closet, but she could still see her, and though Lexa felt excited and happy, she was also nervous and scared._

“ _Don't worry, you're my best friend,” she heard Clarke say, and without warning, her lips were on hers._

_She couldn't believe she was kissing her, and yet, here they were. Her heart soared with happiness, and her stomach fluttered wildly with nervous excitement. She felt Clarke pull her closer, she could feel the heat from her, and she could feel her breath against her. It all felt so real._

_It felt so...right._

 

Lexa slowly began to wake finally, but she could still feel the actions from her dreams. She could still feel the pressure of Clarke's arms around her, still feel the heat from her, and it was like the heat from her breath was still gently rolling across her skin. It had all felt _so real_ , but as her mind and her senses became more aware of her surroundings as she continued to wake, she finally opened her eyes and froze.

She was lying on her left side with her arm tucked in, and Clarke was lying on her right, with her arm draped over Lexa's waist...with her face just inches from her. She felt her heart beginning to beat harder in her chest as she stared at Clarke's sleeping face, her lips slightly parted, her breath gently hitting her, and she felt her cheeks becoming hot as she realized her arm that was tucked in between them was practically against Clarke's slow moving chest.

This was too much. _Too much._

She tried as best as she could to move away from her without waking her up, but suddenly Clarke began to stir, and Lexa froze, waiting to see if she was going to wake up.

Thankfully, Clarke began to roll over onto her back, but not before tickling Lexa's skin as her shirt had slightly risen up and Clarke's arm slid across it, and she turned her head away from her, still fast asleep.

Lexa quickly—but quiet and carefully—got out of Clarke's bed and stood there for a moment in panic.

Why was she panicking? Because her body was doing and feeling things, and her mind was racing with questions just as fast as her heart was pumping blood through her veins, and it was all just too _overwhelming_ for her.

 

“—No, you didn't leave, did you?” she asked with wide eyes.

Lexa shook her head. “No, but I tried.”

“Why were you going to leave?” she asked with a frown, and Lexa shrugged.

“It was just too much for me.”

“Yeah...you're not that great with emotions,” she said with a smirk, and Lexa glared.

“...Thank you.”

 

She quickly began to gather her stuff, all the while trying to think up an excuse as to why she left, when she suddenly stepped on one of the candy bags they dove into during the night, causing a loud crunching sound, and she cringed.

“Hey...what are you doing?” Clarke's tired raspy voice came from behind her, and she slowly turned around.

She looked absolutely adorable with her arm draped across her pillow over her head, her golden hair spilled out around her, staring at Lexa with soft relaxed eyes, and a gentle smile.

Lexa lightly smiled. She couldn't just leave like that. She needed to control herself.

“I was...going to take a shower,” she said quietly, and Clarke nodded, still smiling.

“Okay, wake me up again when you're done,” she said tiredly, stretching a bit before she curled up on her side and closed her eyes.

Lexa had never taken a shower so cold before.

 

Thankfully, for the whole rest of the day they kept themselves busy. They rode their bikes to the park, and then to the store where they just walked around looking at different stuff and goofing off, and then got ice cream before heading back to Clarke's for the evening.

After they ate dinner, they changed into their pajamas and began watching movies again.

“Let's watch a scary movie,” Clarke said, getting up and putting a disc in the DVD player.

“But you don't like scary movies,” Lexa said with a slight frown as Clarke returned to the bed.

“Well, no, not by myself. But you're here and it makes me feel safer, and this one's supposed to be really good,” she said as it began playing, and she smiled at Lexa with excitement, who shook her head and chuckled.

As the movie progressed on, Lexa noticed Clarke inching closer and closer until she was practically sitting against her, and as a scary scene popped up, she felt Clarke jump, causing a chuckle to escape Lexa.

“Hey, don't laugh at me.” Clarke glared playfully.

“You just jump so easily though,” Lexa teased her.

“Is that so?” Clarke asked with raised brows, and Lexa nodded, returning her eyes to the screen.

Suddenly, Clarke poked Lexa in the side and caused her to jump out of reaction.

“Hey!” She glared at her, and Clarke giggled.

“Seems like I'm not the only one who jumps!” she laughed at her, and Lexa raised a brow.

“That is completely different and doesn't count. You know how ticklish I am.” She crossed her arms over her chest, but suddenly, a wicked smile stretched across Clarke's lips.

“Oh, I do.”

“Clarke...” Lexa said slowly with warning eyes. “Don't.”

Suddenly, Clarke jumped forward and began trying to tickle her sides, and Lexa did her best to fight her off.

“Clarke! Stop!”  
“Never!” Clarke laughed as Lexa fell onto her back, and she climbed over her.

“You're just—doing this—so you don't have to watch the movie anymore!” Lexa accused her, managing to grab one of her wrists as she struggled to capture the other.

“Not uh!”

“Yes you are!” Lexa said, and she managed to flip them over and pin Clarke down by the wrists. “Now, _stop._ ”

“That's not fair!” Clarke pouted out of breath as she stared up at Lexa. “You've always been stronger than me.”

“That's not my problem,” Lexa said as she held Clarke down, trying to ignore the fact that she was on top of her with Clarke squirming underneath her. “Now, are you going to stop?”

“Maybe,” Clarke said with a smirk as she stared up at Lexa.

“Then, I'm not getting off until I know for a fact you're not going to tickle me,” she said, and Clarke huffed. She tried not to watch her chest as it rose and sunk.

“Fine. I'll just pull your pants down,” she said, and before Lexa could ask or react, Clarke's foot came up and tried to hook on the waist of her pajamas and pull them down.

Lexa squirmed, trying to keep her from doing so as she kept her pinned down.

“Stop, Clarke!” she said with a slight panic as Clarke's toes began tugging them down, and she laughed.

“Then, let me go!”

“Well, then don't tickle me— _stop_.” She squirmed, and she finally had let go of Clarke's wrist and grab onto her pajama pants to keep Clarke from pulling them down.

Unexpectedly, Clarke dived at her again, and this time they both fell off of the side of her bed in a mess of limbs and laughter.

“ _Hey, keep it down up there please,”_ they heard Clarke's dad call up, and Clarke laughed as Lexa fixed her bottoms in their rightful place.

“Who tries to pull someone's pants down with their feet, you weirdo!” Lexa said in a loud whisper, trying to sound angry, but she couldn't stop the smile tugging at her lips.

“ _Well!_ You were on top of me, so I had to do something! And pulling your pajamas down seemed like the best option!” Clarke said as she finally got up off of her.

Lexa shook her head as she finally got up off of the floor, and they returned to the bed, breathing heavily.

She was trying so hard not to think about it, but she couldn't force the thought away, or the fluttering feeling.

“I'll remember to never get on top of you again, then,” Lexa suddenly said before she could stop herself, and she froze as Clarke looked at her with surprise.

“Because that doesn't sound dirty,” she teased, and Lexa blushed.

“I didn't mean it like that...” she mumbled with a light frown.

“ _Riiight.”_

“Shut up, Clarke. Let's finish the movie,” Lexa said, crossing her arms over her chest and bending her knees up as she sat back against the headboard.

“Why? Does that make you uncomfortable?” Clarke teased, and Lexa felt her heart pick up.

“No.”

“Really?” Clarke asked, and Lexa glared at her from the side.

“Yes,” she said firmly, but Clarke had that sly smirk on her face again. She felt her nerves increasing.

“Seems to me like you're blushing,” she said to her, poking her once more in the side.

Lexa slapped her hand away, feeling awkward and weird that Clarke was pointing all of this out. Why?

“I am not. Now, watch the movie, or I'm going to sleep,” she said sternly, keeping her eyes on the screen, and Clarke rolled her eyes.

“Fine,” she sighed, sitting back against the headboard.

However, Lexa couldn't focus anymore. Not after all that had just happened, but one thought stood out to her the most.

Why was Clarke pointing that out?

 

“—Please don't hate me,” she said sheepishly, and Lexa lightly glared at her.

“What now?”

“I'm actually kind of thirsty,” she said, and Lexa sighed.

“Do you ever stop consuming things?” she asked her as she giggled and quickly got up to head towards the kitchen.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! Another silly update!  
> I've been pretty busy lately, which feels like it throws me off of the flow of my stories, and then it feels like it takes longer to update any of them, but I'm trying! So, I hope you guys enjoy this one. :)

“So, why didn't you tell Clarke that weekend?” she asked once she was settled in again.

“I don't know,” Lexa sighed gently, playing with a loose string on her pants. “I was still just...unsure of how Clarke would react. Still unsure of myself.”

“You were scared.”

“Yes.”

 

Things were a little easier as time went on.

Lexa felt like she and Clarke seemed to have rekindled their friendship in a way, but now more often than not, Lexa found herself unable to stop staring at Clarke from time to time.

She just grew more pretty every day.

However, the Spring Dance was approaching closer, and Lexa was becoming more and more nervous.

“What about this one?” Anya asked, pulling a dress out from her closet, and Lexa eyed it with uncertainty. It was a pretty light blue dress, but a little too short for Lexa's liking.

She had asked her cousin if she could borrow one of her dresses, as she didn't own any, and help her get ready when the day came, and Anya actually seemed a little excited to do so. It was probably because Lexa wasn't into doing her makeup or hair like most girls.

“I don't know. Don't you have anything that is...longer? With sleeves or something?” she asked, and Anya sighed, raising a brow.

“You're going to have to show _some_ skin, Lexa,” she said in a tired tone, and Lexa sighed in return.

“Fine.”

They continued going through her dresses until Anya pulled one out that Lexa actually kind of liked.

It was a decently long, simple, one-shouldered, black dress with a dark red hue that would appear when it caught the light.

“I like that one,” Lexa said, but Anya looked a little skeptical.

“It's black though. That's not exactly... _'festive'_ for a Spring Dance,” she pointed out, but Lexa shrugged.

“I don't care. I mean, I'm not really _that_ excited to go anyways,” she said honestly as Anya set the dress aside, and her cousin gave her a curious look.

“Why not? Who are you going with?” she asked, and Lexa looked down.

“Well...For starters, I don't really know how to dance, and...I'm going with Clarke so I probably won't be dancing anyways,” she said, looking back up, and Anya raised her eyebrows with intrigue, a light smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

“Clarke, huh?”

“...Yes. She asked me to go with her because I didn't want to go with anyone else,” Lexa said as her brows lightly pulled together, glancing away awkwardly for a second. “Why?” she questioned, and Anya shrugged.

“Nothing,” she said nonchalantly as she began to put some of the other dresses away, but Lexa was curious as to what Anya found amusing.

“What?” she asked more firmly, and finally, Anya turned her eyes to her with a knowing look.

“You know what,” she teased, and Lexa felt her nerves rising, but she tried to keep a confused face.

“No, I don't.”

“Come on. You and Clarke? Going to a dance together?” she said as if it were obvious, and Lexa raised her brows.

“And?”

“You like her, don't you?” Anya suddenly said as if they were simply talking about the weather, and Lexa froze, staring wide-eyed at her.

“W-What?” she asked, and then shook her head in confusion. “I—Why would you say that?” she asked, and Anya chuckled.

“It's _so_ obvious, Lexa. You stare at her like a child staring at a TV screen.”

“I do not.” Lexa frowned defensively.

“We go to the same school, dork,” Anya said in the same 'knowing' tone, and Lexa felt herself becoming more defensive.

“We're best friends going to a dance together, that's all. I don't know what you're trying to get at,” she said, shaking her head as she looked away, but suddenly Anya stepped closer, and Lexa looked up.

“It's alright, kid. I've watched you grow since you were three. I know, and I won't tell anyone,” she said in a sincere and serious tone, and Lexa stared at her in contemplation before she finally sighed.

There was no use hiding it from her.

“I just—I don't know. I think...I think I know that I like girls, but Clarke...” she paused, trying to find the right words. “She just makes me feel different, but I don't know why. It's not like she does anything different to me, but I don't know if I'm just confusing it with our friendship or not,” she said with a frown, feeling that lost hopelessness, and Anya nodded.

“I understand, and I can only imagine how confusing that must be. I'm sorry I can't give you any answers to _that_ , Lexa, but one thing I do know,” she paused, staring at her with seriousness, and Lexa waited for any advice or anything her older cousin could give her. “...Puberty and feelings are a _bitch_ ,” she said, and Lexa stared at her for a moment, before they both started laughing.

“Thanks.” She smiled, feeling like she finally got some weight lifted off of her as she watched Anya continue to put the rest of the dresses away.

It made her feel better that Anya didn't really seem to care that she liked girls, or treat her any different, and she felt her appreciation for Anya growing. It gave her hope.

“What are you going to wear to the dance?” she asked after a moment.

“I'm not going,” Anya said, and Lexa tilted her head.

“What? But you like going out and all of that stuff. Why not? No one ask you?” she teased.

“Oh, _ha ha._ ” Anya rolled her eyes, and then sighed. “No, I...” she paused, and looked up at Lexa with seriousness again. She seemed to be contemplating something. “If I keep your secret, will you keep mine?”

“Please don't tell me you're going through the same thing, too,” she said with light sarcasm. “I don't think this family could handle two confused teens.”

Anya chuckled lightly, and shook her head. “No, Lexa, I'm not confused...” she said, and then Lexa watched curiously as she pulled up the hem of her shirt, and turned to the side.

Lexa stared at her with confusion for a moment, until she realized she was staring at a very small swell of her stomach, and her eyes became wide as she looked up at Anya.

“I'm pregnant.”

 

“—Ugh, _god_. We all know who that is,” she said sarcastically with a roll of her eyes.

Lexa chuckled. “We sure do.”

“Anyways, keep going.” She waved her hand.

 

Lexa had noticed Anya had been wearing...not so fitted shirts lately, but she never once questioned it because it wasn't like she was _that_ big yet.

“Y-You're... _what_?” she asked, her shock not allowing her to form a full sentence.

“Yup,” Anya sighed, dropping her shirt. “Don't tell anyone, please.”

“I won't, but Anya...you won't be able to hide it forever,” Lexa said with a light frown, and Anya nodded.

“I know. I'm just...waiting for the right time, you know?” she asked, and Lexa nodded her own head.

She knew that all too well.

“Well, I can be there with you when you...you know, tell them,” Lexa said, and Anya gave her a light smile.

“Thanks.”

After a silent moment, curiosity poked at Lexa, and she couldn't refrain.

“Who, uhm...who is…?” She motioned to her belly again.

“Uh...just some guy. I don't think I'm going to tell him—I don't know,” Anya said with a shake of her head, and Lexa's brows pulled together.

“Why not?”

“Because it was just a one time thing. Plus, I don't want my dad or Nyko going after him because we were careless.” She shrugged again, and Lexa nodded.

As she stared at her cousin, who usually always looked so confident, tall, and fearless, suddenly looked small, meek, and uncertain, which made it all the more real.

“You should tell him,” Lexa then said, causing Anya to look up. “He deserves to know.”

“So should Clarke,” Anya pointed out, and Lexa looked down, because she knew she was right. “Listen, I probably will tell him, but I have to ask. Just what is it that you're so afraid to tell Clarke? And I don't mean feelings, I just mean...that you like girls in general?”

“I'm just afraid she won't want to be my friend anymore,” Lexa said honestly. “That she'll feel weird and not want to be around me and won't want to spend the night at each others' house, and stuff like that, you know?”

“Well, I'd hate to say this, but...that's not a friend you should have, then,” Anya said gently. “But I honestly don't think Clarke will be like that, and it would be better coming from you than somewhere else. Even if you just tell her the simple truth that you like girls, and worry about the rest later.”

“I know,” Lexa said sadly, staring down at her lap, and Anya placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Hey, don't worry, kid. No matter what you'll still have me,” she said with reassurance, and Lexa smiled gently.

“Thanks.”

 

From then on, it seemed like these shared secrets had brought Anya and Lexa closer, and they began spending nights talking to one another about things on their minds, and it actually helped Lexa to have someone she could open up to.

“Maybe you should tell her at the dance,” Anya suggested one night as she braided Lexa's hair for fun, and she shrugged.

“I don't know.”

“Why not?”

“I wouldn't want to ruin a fun night for her on top of the fear of risking our friendship,” she said with honesty as she stared down at the floor.

“But you should be honest with her.”

“I know, I'm just...scared of her reaction.”

“I understand. Believe me,” her cousin chuckled behind her.

Lexa then turned around, looking up at Anya. “If I don't tell her by the time you tell them. Then...I will,” she said, and as Anya stared at her for a moment, she brought her hand up.

“Pinky promise.”

Lexa hooked her pinky around hers and smiled.

“Pinky promise.”

 

A few times, Lexa _had_ come close to telling Clarke, but she would back out at the last minute, or it just wouldn't feel like the right time. She was just too afraid of how Clarke would react, which she knew she was making it bigger than it needed to be, but she couldn't help it. If she had to make a choice of keeping her feelings to herself to keep Clarke as her best friend, or tell her and risk losing her in any way, then she would rather keep her feelings and thoughts locked up.

It had already almost caused a wedge between them when she was struggling to understand it herself, and Clarke was far too important to her to let something like that pull them apart.

 

“Ugh, I hope Murphy doesn't try to get handsy, or try to kiss me at the dance,” Raven said with annoyance during lunch one day. The dance was just a little over a week away.

“If you don't like him that much, why did you end up asking him to go then?” Octavia asked what they all had pretty much wondered, and Raven shrugged.

“Because Murphy's dumb, but he's fun. Maybe he'll bring alcohol like he keeps claiming.”

“That's an odd reason to go with someone to a dance,” Octavia said, and Raven stuck her tongue out at her. “Lincoln hasn't really said much since I asked him, but I'm hoping we can talk more at the dance if Bellamy doesn't hover around us.” She shook her head.

“We'll find a way to distract him for you,” Clarke said, and Octavia's eyes brightened.

“Oh, that would be _so nice_.” She put a hand to her heart in appreciation, and they chuckled.

They continued talking about the dance, which led to talking about slow dancing, hand-holding, and then kissing, and Lexa felt like she had no input, so she just sat and listened.

“My dad would kill me if he found out I kissed anyone,” Clarke said, and Octavia nodded.

“Yeah, I'm pretty sure Bellamy would explode.” She rolled her eyes, and then stopped. “Hmm...Maybe I _should_ try kissing Lincoln, then...” she added in an after thought, and the others laughed.

“I don't even think I know how,” Clarke then admitted, and Lexa tried her hardest not to imagine it. “I've never kissed anyone on the lips.”

“Me neither.” Octavia shook her head.

“My cousin once said she and her friend experimented so they could be good at it when they actually kissed a boy,” Raven said, and the others looked surprised.

“Did it work?” Octavia asked, and Raven stared at her for a moment, before she smirked.

“Why? Wanna try it sometime so you don't screw it up kissing Lincoln?” she teased, and Octavia glared as she threw a carrot at her.

“No, you pervert.”

“What about you, Clarke?” Raven then asked, kissing the air at her, and Clarke rolled her eyes.

“As if I would want to kiss you.”

“Lexa?” She looked towards her with false hope, nudging her as they were sitting next to each other.

“Uhh—“ Lexa began, but Clarke slightly leaned forward across the table.

“—I'm pretty sure she would kiss me first before she ever kissed you,” she said quickly, and Lexa tensed up, feeling her cheeks becoming hot. Clarke glanced at her before she sat back, brushing a strand of hair away from her face.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Raven asked, mocking offense, and Clarke shrugged as she averted her attention back to her.

“I'm just saying...Lexa has better taste,” she teased, and Raven's face became surprised.

“ _Bitch!”_ she hissed.

“Raven!” Octavia scolded her, and as the two continued teasing each other, Lexa felt a mixture of confusion and curiosity.

What did that mean? Or was Clarke just playing around?

 

“—Oh my god, this is like...a cheesy, cliché, love story,” she said with a sigh.

Lexa raised a brow. “Hey. You asked for it.”

“I know, but I didn't know it was going to be _this bad_ ,” she teased.

“Fine, I'll stop then,” Lexa said, crossing her arms over her chest.

“No! As cheesy and cliché as it is, I oddly want to know more.” She nodded eagerly. “Keep going.”

 

For the rest of the day, Lexa couldn't stop thinking about what Clarke had said.

_She just meant it as a joke. Stop over-thinking it._ Lexa would scold herself and try to focus on her work, but she just couldn't.

Did she really mean it as a joke? Sure, Raven teased about kissing Lexa, but she didn't feel anything other than slight embarrassment at the thought. When Clarke said what she did though, it _almost_ seemed defensive or protective, and Lexa felt raging butterflies in her stomach.

She sighed for the fifth time, causing one of the students in the desk next to her to look over, and she glanced at him awkwardly before returning her eyes to her textbook and trying to focus once more.

She just felt a hot mess.

 

Finally, the weekend had come, and Lexa found herself at Clarke's again, only things felt...a little different this time around.

“Look, my mom let me rent this romantic-comedy, but I don't think she realized it's rated R,” Clarke said with a sly smile as she put it in the DVD player, and she got up, turning off the light before she got on the bed, sitting right next to Lexa. She tried not to think about it as they began watching.

Most of it was fine, they cursed a lot, which wasn't a big deal as they heard it often at school, and it was truly funny, but it wasn't until a certain romantic scene came up that Lexa was suddenly feeling awkward as they watched the actors kiss.

She shifted on the bed, trying to make it appear casual as she draped one arm over her torso, but really she was just trying to calm the clenching of her stomach.

Suddenly, they were watching them starting to make love, and now Lexa was feeling _ve_ _ry awkward._

Just how long was this scene?

“Have you ever kissed anyone?” Clarke suddenly asked, and Lexa's eyes snapped to hers.

“What?”

“Have you kissed anyone?” she repeated, even though Lexa had heard her the first time, and she shook her head.

“...No. Why?” she asked slowly, and Clarke shrugged.

“Just because you didn't say anything that one day when we were all talking about it at lunch.”

Lexa didn't think she had noticed.

“I'm pretty sure I would have told you if I did,” she said with slight awkwardness, and Clarke nodded.

“Same, but if I had, it would have been like...you or something, so you would have already known,” she chuckled with a wave of her hand, and Lexa's heart suddenly jumped in her throat. Did she hear that right?

“ _Me?”_ she asked confused, her brows pulling hard together as Clarke looked to her.

“Well, yeah.” She shrugged. “I mean, like what Raven said...friends experiment together all of the time and stuff, so if I _were_ to kiss anyone for the first time, it would have probably been you because I'm not allowed to hang out with boys, and I wouldn't feel comfortable with anyone else to try it,” she said casually, as if this wasn't making Lexa's stomach so wild with butterflies that she was sure she was going to start puking them. Why was she saying this?

“Oh...” Was all Lexa could say, unsure if Clarke _was_ suggesting something, or just simply saying it, but she wasn't about to press the issue due to her nerves holding her back, and she remained silent instead.

“Apparently, Raven's already kissed someone,” Clarke then said after a moment as she stared at the screen. “Some boy at her science camp last year.”

“Oh, I didn't know that,” Lexa said, her adrenaline racing, and Clarke shrugged lightly.

“She said it was sloppy and wet.”

“That sounds...gross,” Lexa remarked, and Clarke chuckled with a nod.

It was silent again for a moment, the only sound coming from the low volume of the TV as the movie played, and Lexa realized again just how close her and Clarke were sitting together on the bed.

“Do you think it would be?” Clarke then asked after a moment, turning to Lexa, and her heart sped up as she looked to her.

“What?” she asked stupidly, though she already knew what she was referring to.

“Kissing,” Clarke simply said, but added, “—a boy or whatever, you know.” And the words struck her with disappointment.

_A boy._

“I...I don't know. Probably,” Lexa tried to say casually with a shrug.

Clarke stared at her in thought, and Lexa tried to summon up her courage.

_Just tell her. Say it._

_I'm gay._

_I would rather kiss a girl._

_I_ _'d rather kiss you._

But Clarke nodded with a hum and looked away to watch the screen again. Lexa lost her courage, but as she stole a glance toward her, she saw Clarke biting her lower lip.

Butterflies fluttered in her stomach again.

 

“—So, you didn't even just tell her that you were gay? _Why?_ ” she asked desperately.

“All those three talked about were boys. I just felt like the odd one out at the time.” Lexa shrugged. “It's like when someone asks a room full of people if they like blue or red, and you know you like blue, but everyone else says they like red. You feel singled out, like there's no one on your side, and it's honestly terrifying.”

“But I thought you didn't care what people thought of you?”

“I cared what Clarke thought.”

“Oh. I see, but wait...you still had the dance, right?” she questioned with hope.

“Yes, but this is where...things took an odd turn,” Lexa said, and she sat up more to listen.

“I'm ready.”

 

The time for the dance had finally come.

Lexa was nervous and scared, but not because of the dance. Because she was going to Clarke's house to pick her up first, and then they were going to go to the dance together.

 

“ _Hold still,”_ Anya said with slight irritation, and Lexa truly tried as Anya applied makeup on her.

“I don't really need that much,” she said, and Anya raised her brows.

“You don't even know what I'm doing, now hush and _sit still_ ,” she demanded, lightly smacking Lexa's thigh to stop her leg from shaking, and she began to apply eyeshadow.

Moments later however, her foot was shaking again.

“Jeez, you're like someone who's nervous to be taking a girl on a date—oh wait, you _are_ taking a girl on a date,” Anya teased, and Lexa quickly looked around.

“Shh! Do you have to say that so loud?” she asked worriedly with a glare, but they were the only two in Anya's room. “—And I'm not. We're just going as friends.” She looked down at her lap.

“Wow. Don't sound _too_ excited. Why so glum?” Anya asked, stopping for a moment, and Lexa shrugged as she continued to stare at her lap.

It was silent until Anya placed her fingers under Lexa's chin and lifted her head up so she had to look at her.

“Hey,” she said gently, concern filling her eyes. “What's wrong?”

Lexa's eyes glanced away as she swallowed the small lump in her throat, and she finally looked at Anya. “I'm nervous.”

“Try not to think about it too much, at least not tonight. Just have fun, and if you tell her, then awesome. If you don't, the time will come,” Anya said with reassurance, but Lexa sighed.

“I wish you were going.” She frowned, and Anya chuckled.

“Nah, because _if_ for some unknown absurd reason Clarke reacts the way you _think_ she will, I would probably have to become 'the big protective cousin' and go off on her, and I don't think you'd want that to happen in front of everyone.” She shook her head, and Lexa gently rolled her eyes.

“No. I wouldn't want you to do that at all. Even if she said she never wanted to speak to me again or something.” She shrugged.

Anya then frowned at her. “Alright, Debbie Downer. You're in your head too much,” she said, and then gently grabbed her chin, beginning to apply lip gloss. “You should just talk to her. You might be surprised. Just don't be mad when I tell you 'I told you so'.”

“Maybe. I'll see how tonight goes first, I guess,” Lexa said, though she felt doubt.

 

Once Anya was all finished, they headed downstairs where her mother and her Uncle Gus were waiting, prepared to take pictures of her after they gushed about how beautiful she looked.

After what felt like an eternity of awkwardly smiling by the door while they took the pictures, Lexa's nerves shot up as it was time to head to Clarke's.

“You seem nervous?” Her mother noted as she drove.

“A little bit, yeah.” Lexa forced a smile.

“Don't worry, at my first dance I tripped over my feet and spilled punch all over my date. He was wearing a white shirt, too,” her mother said with a chuckle, and Lexa forced a chuckle of her own as her foot shook rapidly.

It felt like the longest, yet shortest drive of her life, and when they finally pulled up, she was nearly shaking on the inside. She was anxious to see Clarke, and yet, she didn't want this moment to come. Why was she so nervous? It wasn't like this was a date or anything of the sort. They were just going to a school dance as friends.

They got out of the car, and her mother walked with her up to the front door because she wanted to take pictures of them together, and Lexa took a deep breath.

Her heart hammered in her chest as her mother knocked.

Thankfully, Clarke's mother, Abby, who opened the door.

“Hey! Oh my goodness, Lexa, you look so beautiful!” She smiled, and Lexa blushed.

“Thank you.”

“Come on in! Clarke's just about finished,” she said, stepping aside to allow them through.

“Lexa, you look beautiful,” Clarke's father, Jake, said when he walked in, and Lexa smiled.

“Thank you.”

As Abby and her mother began talking, Lexa waited silently and nervously, but her thoughts didn't quiet.

How should she act? Should she compliment her? Just act normal? Why was she fussing over this so much? It wasn't a date. They were just two friends going to a dance, simple as that, but Lexa prepared herself for the awkwardness of it all.

What she didn't prepare for however, was when she finally came down the stairs.

She looked up as Clarke appeared, who was watching her feet as she carefully walked down in heels, and Lexa's stomach clenched.

 

“—Okay, okay, I know I said I wouldn't interrupt, but...” she trailed off making a face.

“What?” Lexa sighed, and she shrunk in her seat.

“I have to pee again.”

“Go on.” Lexa waved her away, and she quickly took off towards the bathroom.

Was she ever going to get through this story?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It may seem like it's taking such a long time (maybe not) for Lexa to open up to Clarke about herself seeing as they are best friends, but it happened to me. Took me a long time to open up, because I came from a time when it wasn't as socially acceptable as I feel it is now, and even Now it's still something people struggle with on the daily. And if you are, don't rush it! There's no time limit. You go at your own pace, and know that you aren't alone. :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay another chapter!  
> Okay so...I apologize if this chapter seems rushed or...not enough detail or flow, I dunno. This is all for fun anyway, but this month is going to be busy for me, so I wanted to try to get the next chapter out now because I'm not sure when I'll be able to update again and didn't wanna leave you guys hanging for a long time XD.  
> Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy!

“—Okay, I'm good now.” She returned, and sat back down.

“Did you grab _another_ drink?” Lexa asked, and she smiled sheepishly.

“This story makes me anxious, and I get thirsty when I'm anxious,” she said, and Lexa chuckled.

“Are you ready now?”

She nodded. “Yup.”

 

She wore a pretty, light blue, layered dress that stopped just above her knee, with the top half covered in white sequins that made it appear lighter, and a darker blue ribbon around her waist. Her hair was curled tight, but loose enough to rest elegantly down her shoulders, and the top half pinned back loosely.

As she made it down the last step, she finally looked up at Lexa, who's breath hitched up in her throat as she finally saw her up close. The light amount of makeup around her eyes made the blue in them appear brighter and more mesmerizing, and she smiled.

Lexa all but melted.

She couldn't think of anything more beautiful.

“Hi,” Clarke greeted her, taking in Lexa's appearance. “You look pretty.” She smiled wider, but there was no air of awkwardness.

“You do too,” Lexa finally managed to say, while reminding herself that she needed to breath.

“Oh, you look beautiful, Clarke!” Lexa's mother gushed, pulling Lexa's attention back to reality, and they quickly gathered them together to start taking pictures.

“Come on, hug each other or something!” Jake said with a laugh, because they were just standing side by side, but then Abby perked up.

“—No, wait, let's go over by the window, that way we can get the light on their dresses,” she said, and disappeared into the living room with her mother and Jake following behind. Lexa looked to Clarke to allow her to go first, and she saw her roll her eyes with a nervous smile.

“Sorry about them. They go nuts over pictures,” she joked, and Lexa chuckled, still unable to properly form a full sentence as she followed Clarke.

 

After they took what felt like hundreds of pictures, and Clarke complained to her parents they were going to be late for the third time, they were finally heading to the dance.

Lexa's mother offered to drive them since she would be driving home anyways, and when they finally pulled up, they could see everyone else dressed up nicely and heading into the gymnasium.

“Alright, you two have fun!” she called after them, and waved before she finally pulled away.

“Well...shall we?” Lexa asked, waiting for Clarke.

“Yes, but aren't you going to escort me?” she asked playfully, motioning to Lexa's arm, and she was about to offer it when she stopped.

“I would, but didn't _you_ ask _me_ to the dance?” she teased with a raise of her brow, and Clarke chuckled.

“True...but it just seems more fitting for me to hold your arm,” she said, and though Lexa felt like she couldn't deny that, it made her wonder why Clarke thought this.

“Why is that?” she decided to ask, and Clarke shrugged.

“I dunno, it just does. Like...not to be weird, but if we were for some reason a couple, I just feel like I'd be the one to hold your arm, and you would open doors and pull out chairs for me and stuff,” she simply said, but images of this plowed through Lexa's head, causing her stomach to flutter.

She should say it. She should tell her. She wanted to, but the words _'not to be weird'_ stopped her. Did Clarke consider the thought of them being a couple to be weird? She must have, or she wouldn't have said it, right?

_Because she doesn't think about girls that way._ Lexa thought to herself. _Or because we're best friends._

She felt the urge to question Clarke further, when they suddenly heard a holler.

“Clarke! Lexa! Over here!” Raven called out, and they looked over to see her and Octavia waving, with Lincoln and Murphy standing there waiting.

“Let's go,” Clarke said with a smile as she looped her arm around Lexa's, and together they walked over to them, all the while thoughts bouncing around in Lexa's head.

 

“—She was _totally_ throwing you signs the whole time with talking about kissing, holding your arm, you being a couple...How did you not see it?” she asked her, and Lexa shrugged.

“I thought too much with my head.”

“And not with your heart. _'Typical Lexa'_ for ya.” She shook her own head, and Lexa rolled her eyes.

“Anyways...”

 

They entered the gym to find it lit up with neon and strobe lights, with the music blasting and quite a few students dancing already.

Students they knew greeted them excitedly as they headed further in, and after standing around, chatting, and them teasing Lexa about being in a dress for the first time, Raven was ready to dance.

“Let's go you guys!” she said excitedly, and grabbed Octavia's hand, beginning to drag her away from Lincoln and the other boys that began to gather around them. “Clarke, Lexa!”

Clarke began to head out towards the dance area, but stopped and looked back. “Aren't you coming?” she asked, but Lexa shook her head.

“No, thanks,” she said with a light smile, but Clarke frowned as she walked back towards her.

“Come on, please?”

“No...I don't want to.” Lexa shook her head with a light frown, and Clarke's only deepened.

“Why not?”

Lexa stared at her for a moment, trying to think up of an excuse, but she sighed and looked down ashamed. “I don't really know how...” she murmured, just loud enough for her to hear.

As she looked back up, she found Clarke now smiling gently instead. “I can teach you. Come on.” She held out her hand, but Lexa eyed the dance floor with uncertainty, before looking back at Clarke.

She just didn't want to look like a fool out there. Especially in front of her.

“Lexa,” Clarke spoke up when she didn't move. “Do you trust me?”

She stared at her once more, seeing the confidence in Clarke's eyes, and she finally nodded her head.

“Yes.”

“Then, take my hand,” she encouraged, and finally, Lexa tentatively held her hand out.

Her nerves began to rise as Clarke grabbed it and began to pull her out to the dance floor.

It took a moment for Lexa to relax a little as Clarke tried to teach her to dance, but what kept her stomach tense was the fact that while Clarke was showing her, she was holding her hands the whole time.

She made Lexa twirl her at one point, and Lexa genuinely smiled as Clarke laughed.

“See! You got it!” she encouraged her excitedly, and Lexa was beginning to realize just how fun dancing actually was.

After dancing to numerous fast-paced songs, they all decided to get a drink and catch their breaths, and finally, a slow song began to play, and almost the entire crowd dispersed from the dance floor, only to slowly be filled by boys and girls gathering together to slow dance.

“You wanna…?” Murphy motioned, and Raven shrugged.

“Sure. But keep your hands above the waist,” she warned, and Murphy rolled his eyes as they began to head out.

“Lincoln…?” Octavia looked up, and though he didn't say anything, he held his arm out for her to take, and it wasn't long before Bellamy was already slow dancing next to them with a girl, all the while Octavia throwing irritated glances at him.

Lexa glanced over awkwardly at Clarke, who was watching the smaller crowd of dancers before she looked up at her. Do they dance together? Just hang out until the song was over? She wasn't sure.

“I—“ Lexa began, about to ask Clarke what they should do, when Finn Collins stepped up to them.

“Hey.” He smiled at Clarke, and looked to Lexa. “Do you mind? She does owe me one since you stole her from me, and it's not like you two are really going to slow dance together,” he teased with a smirk, and Lexa forced a smile, even though she didn't find it funny. She was about to make a sarcastic remark, but as she looked to Clarke, she seemed eager to dance again. How could she not let her dance?

“No, go ahead. I know she wants to dance.” She nodded, and Clarke looked at her curiously.

“Oh no, Lexa it's okay. We could—“

“—It's fine, Clarke. Go ahead,” Lexa stopped her, because she could tell Clarke really wanted to dance, and Lexa just really wanted her to have a good time, despite who she was dancing with.

“...Alright,” she said, looking away, and Lexa watched as Finn led her out to the dance floor.

She stood by the bleachers and watched them as they began to dance with Clarke's hands resting on Finn's shoulders, while his hands rested on her waist, and she began to feel a slight burning in her stomach, but also a sadness suddenly filling her, and she lightly clenched her jaw.

She looked around at all of the dancing couples, and she could feel her happiness being pushed down as a realization crossed her mind.

Why did Clarke think going to the dance together would be a good idea? Sure, they could dance to the fun songs if Lexa wanted, but then there were these slow dances, and as she looked at each and every one of them, she felt like an outcast as each couple was a boy and a girl.

She let her eyes return to Clarke and Finn, and she could see them smiling and talking, and Clarke laughed at something he said. They looked like they were having a fun time, and Lexa realized they looked...decent together. She tried to force the thought away, but it weighed heavily on her, making her realize that everything she thought was only a fantasy. It would never actually happen.

She chuckled quietly to herself, because here she was standing in a crowded gym, and yet, she never felt so alone in this moment.

“Hey, do you want to—?”

“—No.” She turned away from Wells, and began to walk away.

She needed some air.

 

She walked out after explaining to the chaperone that she was getting hot, and leaned against the wall. She took a deep breath and blew it out, trying to push away these strange feelings.

She couldn't make sense of this mess, and yet there wasn't much to it.

Here she was, finding herself pining over Clarke, when she was so clearly happy to be dancing with Finn. Of course she was. She thought he was cute, and he clearly liked her.

Maybe they were meant to be together.

 

“— _Ugh_ , I want to strangle younger you!” she said with a groan.

“Join the club.” Lexa nodded her head as she looked back on the memory.

“So, what happens next?”

“Well...”

 

She blew out another deep breath, confused and even slightly upset by all of this, and why she had even agreed to come. All it took was one thing to bring down her good night, and she hated how easy it was.

Suddenly, she heard footsteps approaching, and she turned her head to see a girl with dark curly hair wearing a bright yellow dress walking up, and she stopped when she spotted Lexa.

“—Oh, hi,” she said, and Lexa smiled lightly.

“Hello.”

She had seen her in passing before at school, but she didn't know who she was. She seemed to be a bit older, maybe by a year, and Lexa waited for her to keep going and head inside, but she hovered, looking around.

“Having fun out here?” she then asked curiously, and Lexa shrugged.

“Not really.”

“Why not?” The girl tilted her head, and Lexa looked around.

“Because I agreed to come to a dance I didn't really want to come to in the first place,” she said with a light sigh, and the girl chuckled.

“Same. My new friends demanded me to come as a group.”

“My best friend did the same, but she went as far as to be my 'date',” Lexa said, making a gesture in the air with her fingers before she placed them behind her back against the wall.

“The blonde in the blue dress?” she asked, and Lexa looked at her curiously.

“Yeah...How did you know?” she questioned, and the girl lightly shrugged.

“It's hard not to notice pretty girls that walk in,” she said cleverly, and Lexa's brows lightly tugged together. The girl smiled at her, and it was as if she could read her thoughts, because she chuckled. “I'm 'The Big Scary Lesbian' that I'm sure you've heard of around school.”

“Oh. I-I wasn't...” Lexa shook her head, and the girl chuckled again.

“I'm Costia.”

“Lexa.”

She felt slightly awkward now, standing with someone who must have gone through something similar, and she couldn't help the words that came from her mouth.

“How do you know?” she asked, and she didn't need to explain as Costia glanced at her, before looking off in the dark distance.

“You just know. Kind of like how you just know you like the color blue, or the smell of vanilla, or a type of flower. It just feels...natural.” She shrugged nonchalantly, and Lexa nodded her head.

“That makes more sense.”

It was quiet for a moment, before the girl spoke again.

“So...let me guess, your best friend and also date is the reason you're standing out here by yourself while she's slow dancing with a boy inside?” she asked, and Lexa stared at her strangely. How did she know this? Costia chuckled again before she could speak. “I can hear the music, and the look of deep-rooted unhappiness isn't exactly unclear,” she explained, and Lexa felt slightly embarrassed as she looked away.

“Oh...”

She could feel Costia staring at her, and she looked up with curious eyes.

“What?”

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked with slight concern.

Lexa considered it for a moment, wondering if she should when she didn't really know her, but she figured why not? At least this girl probably understood better.

She sighed gently. “I just...don't know if I'm confusing it with our friendship or not,” she admitted, slowly feeling like she could open up to this girl she hardly knew.

“I see.” Costia nodded in thought. “Have you ever kissed a girl before?” she then asked, and Lexa shook her head.

“I just barely figured out that I like girls.”

“Girls? Or just your friend?” She raised a brow, and Lexa looked down towards her feet.

“Well, I don't know. I haven't really thought about anyone else that way, but I've never felt or experienced this before...”

“Which is why you're confused,” she noted, and Lexa shrugged with a nod.

“I guess so.”

It was silent for a moment, until Costia spoke again.

“This may be a bit _too_ forward, but...would you like to try it?” she asked, and Lexa's eyes snapped up to hers, unsure if she heard her correctly.

“What?”

“Kissing a girl,” she said casually, and Lexa felt her stomach clench with nervousness.

“Uhm...” She wasn't sure what to say, and Costia chuckled.

“You don't have to if you don't want to. It was just an offer.” She shrugged, but the more Lexa thought about it, the more it seemed...fair to do so.

Yes, she thought this girl was pretty, as she did a few other girls, but would she feel the same things as she felt with Clarke? That tingling? That fluttery feeling? Even though they've never kissed or anything before? Maybe then she would figure things out.

She felt the pressing urge to understand this, _herself_ , better.

“...Okay,” Lexa finally agreed, and Costia looked up.

“You sure? I don't want you to feel like...obligated or anything. Just figured it would help,” she said with a chuckle, but Lexa shook her head.

“No, I just...think I'd like to know for sure. I mean, I do know...I think,” she fumbled, already feeling nervous.

“I understand,” Costia said, and she stared at Lexa for a moment, before she finally stepped up to her. “Alright, so...”

Lexa stayed pressed against the wall with her hands behind her as she watched the girl, and her heart started beating faster as she began to lean in.

Yes, her heart was racing because she was nervous, but it wasn't quite as intense as she has felt before. Still, she needed to know.

Costia stared at her lips as she got closer, and Lexa closed her eyes and held her breath as Costia finally closed the gap between them and gently pressed her lips to Lexa's. It wasn't too firm, nor was it too soft.

 

“—Wait, wait, _wait_.” She sat up. “You mean to tell me Clarke wasn't your first kiss?” she asked in shock.

Lexa shook her head. “Surprisingly, no. She wasn't.”

“Wow...I can't believe that.”

“It's true. Costia was my first actual kiss,” she sighed.

“Damn. I was rooting for a Clexa kiss.”

“A what?”

“Never mind that. Keep going!” she encouraged.

 

She felt something stir in the pit of her belly as she kept her eyes closed and just felt it out, and it did feel _right_ to be kissing a girl. It felt _natural._ She liked the thought of kissing girls, but only one popped in her head that made her stomach flutter, and she secretly imagined it was her.

She knew though that she shouldn't just remain still because that would be awkward, and she gently pressed back. She then felt Costia move, ever so slightly beginning to part her lips, and just as she was about to mimic the action, she suddenly heard the door swing open and voices break the silence.

“—She might be out here—“

Lexa's heart jumped into over speed as she quickly pulled away and Costia stepped back, and as she turned to look, her stomach plummeted to the ground as her eyes found the one person that had been on her mind the entire night. She was staring at her with confusion, along with Raven, Octavia, Murphy, Lincoln, Wells, and Finn Collins.

_Shit._

Her cheeks felt like they were on fire as they all stared at each other; the only sound was the music coming from inside, and finally, Costia turned to her.

“I'm sorry,” she whispered with a sympathetic look, and then quickly walked forward, awkwardly passing by the others and disappearing inside. Lexa didn't know what to say or do, and she was panicking on the inside.

No one was supposed to find out like this, _especially_ Clarke, and all she could hear was Anya's voice echoing in her head.

_'It would be better coming from you than somewhere else.'_

But it wasn't supposed to happen like this.

“So...uhm, there you are!” Raven finally said with what was supposed to sound like an excited voice and a smile. “We were wondering where you went off to!”

Lexa forced a light smile, internally thanking Raven for trying to push passed this painfully awkward moment, but her eyes kept going back to Clarke, who would look back and forth between Lexa and their surroundings, her mind obviously trying to process what she had just seen.

“Yeah, let's go back inside?” Octavia spoke up, looking to the others and earning nods from Raven, Lincoln, and Wells.

They all began to head back in, and Lexa hesitated at first, before she started to follow.

Surprisingly, Clarke waited for her, but Lexa couldn't find her voice to speak, and they silently walked side by side. She kept glancing out of the side of her eye at her, waiting for Clarke to say something, _anything_ , but she kept her eyes ahead of her as they entered the gymnasium where everyone else was.

What was Clarke thinking? She desperately wanted to know, but she just couldn't build up the courage to ask. Not that she wanted to talk about it around everyone else, but she didn't know what to do in this moment, so she continued to remain silent as they all stood next to the bleachers.

“I'm thirsty. Any one else?” Raven spoke up, and nearly everyone but Clarke and Lexa nodded.

She felt her stomach tighten in knots as everyone left them to stand there alone. She swallowed hard, glancing over at Clarke _again_ , who was watching the dancing crowd, and opened her mouth to speak, but she closed it. She was starting to fear the worst.

Should she apologize? She felt like she needed to, but what for? Why would she need to? She just didn't know what to do or say.

“—How long?” Clarke suddenly spoke up, and Lexa looked to find her already staring at her.

“What?” she asked timidly, but Clarke sighed and gently grabbed her wrist, pulling her towards the bathroom area.

Lexa's heart raced as she let Clarke pull her along, and thankfully, no one was in the bathroom, but she was equally nervous to be alone with Clarke.

“How long?” Clarke repeated with a steady voice, and Lexa knew this was it. They were going to talk about it.

She took a deep breath, trying to think of when this all started. “Not very long...”

Clarke nodded, her eyes roaming the floor for a moment, and she looked up at her again. “Why didn't you tell me?”

Lexa felt her chest tighten as she could see slight hurt in Clarke's eyes, and she knew it was because of her. This was the last thing she wanted, but she knew she needed to be honest.

“I...I was scared.”

“Why?” Clarke asked, and shook her head, speaking before Lexa could answer. “I mean...you're my best friend, Lexa. You know you can tell me anything,” she said with a slight frown.

Lexa looked down, feeling ashamed that she had thought the worst. She should have known better, but her fears had gotten the best of her. “I know. I just...I don't know,” she sighed, trying to find the right words and the courage to finally speak the truth.

However, Clarke stepped forward, placing a hand on her arm. “I don't care if you like girls, Lexa. I'll still love you all the same. I just...wish you would have told me you were with her instead of hiding it from me,” she said with a slightly upset tone.

Lexa looked up, confused. “What?”

“That girl, Costia. You could have told me you were with her. Then, I wouldn't have forced you to come to the dance with me,” Clarke said, and Lexa quickly shook her head.

“No, Clarke, I'm not—”

Just then, the bathroom door opened and three girls walked in, talking loudly and excitedly.

Lexa watched them as they disappeared into the stalls, still talking loudly, and looked at Clarke with hesitancy, because she didn't want to talk about this in front of other people.

“We'll talk later,” Clarke said quietly, and Lexa nodded as they left the bathroom.

 

“—Please, _please_ tell me you got a chance to explain to Clarke that you weren't with Costia,” she begged.

“I did, but not until we went back to my house after the dance,” Lexa said, and she groaned.

“So you both stayed at the dance in awkwardness?” she asked, and Lexa nodded.

“Yeah, it was pretty awkward.”

 

The ride back to Lexa's house was quiet.

“Did you guys have fun?” Nyko asked after a moment, as he was the one who offered to pick them up at such a late time so her mother could sleep.

“Yeah,” Lexa spoke up from the backseat, because she had let Clarke sit in the front of his old Camaro.

“Doesn't sound like it. What? No boys wanted to dance with you?” Nyko teased, and Lexa forced a chuckle, but as she looked forward, she caught Clarke's reflection in the side mirror and felt her stomach tighten in a knot. She was staring hard out of the window.

“No...just tired,” Lexa finally said, and Nyko nodded.

Thankfully, he wasn't one to keep prying, and they continued to drive in silence.

 

They made it up to her room quietly, the awkward tension between them keeping them silent, and Lexa gave Clarke some pajamas to wear, but before she left to change, Lexa stopped her.

“You uhm...you don't have to spend the night if you really don't want to,” she said awkwardly, and Clarke gave her a confused look.

“Why not?”

Lexa stared at her for a moment, before she looked down at her hands.

“Because I'm...uhm—“

“—Lexa, I told you I didn't care. I still love you all the same,” Clarke said sternly, and before they could say any more, she disappeared to the bathroom.

She believed Clarke when she said she didn't care, but she seemed upset. She knew it was because she didn't tell her sooner, but she hadn't told anyone except for Anya.

However, she remembered when Clarke mentioned about her and that girl, Costia, being together. Was that why she was upset? Because she would gladly tell Clarke they weren't together.

After she changed into her own pajamas and Clarke came back, Lexa couldn't wait. She wanted to rid of the awkward tense wedge between them.

“We're not together,” she blurted out as Clarke was carefully folding her dress, and she stopped, looking up at her. “That girl Costia and I. We're not together.”

“Then...why were you kissing?” Clarke asked as she hugged her torso, and Lexa looked down again. She couldn't look at Clarke as she talked about this.

“She was...helping me figure myself out.”

It was silent for a moment, and Lexa stole a glance at Clarke to see her looking off in thought.

“So...you kissed her to figure out if you liked girls?” she asked quietly, looking back at her.

“Sort of.” Lexa shrugged, fidgeting with her hands. “Just more of a confirmation I guess.”

It was silent again.

“Do you like her?” Clarke then asked, and Lexa looked up curiously.

“I barely know her.”

“Oh.” Clarke looked away for a second. “Well...I mean, if you do like her you should go for it,” she said, and this sort of caught Lexa off guard as she watched Clarke walk to her bed.

“What?”

Clarke nodded as she sat down and pulled her blanket over her lap. “If you liked kissing her, you should try dating her, you know.”

Lexa stared at Clarke curiously for a moment, but she had turned away to readjust the pillow she was going to use, and Lexa felt sadness wash over her.

Why?

Because Clarke was suggesting she date another person. Which meant Clarke didn't like girls. Which meant they would never be together.

How could she be so stupid to think that her coming out would result in them getting together? Of course they wouldn't. Clarke liked boys. She liked Finn.

She felt angry with herself that she let her stupid fantasies raise her hopes that she would get this happy ending. Sure, she had feared the worst, that Clarke wouldn't want to be her friend anymore, but that didn't mean she hadn't hoped for the best, that Clarke would suddenly want to be with her when she told her the truth. How naive could she be?

She didn't say anything and instead turned off the light and got into the bed next to Clarke. They lied there for a moment in silence, and the awkward tension hadn't diminished. A million thoughts were running through her head, but she couldn't stop them enough to form a single sentence. She just didn't know what to say.

“When did you realize...?” Clarke then asked quietly in the dark.

“Around the beginning of the year. Raven actually asked me if I was,” Lexa said honestly.

“...Did you tell her?” Clarke asked, almost sounding timid, or like she would be upset to know if Lexa had told Raven and not her first.

“No, because I had never thought about it until she pointed it out. Then, I found myself endlessly questioning...myself,” Lexa replied as she stared up into the dark.

“Why were you afraid to tell me?” Clarke asked, and Lexa felt herself tensing up slightly.

“I had this fear that you wouldn't want to be my friend anymore.”

“Why would you think that?”

Her question was curled around curiosity and eagerness.

Lexa thought hard. It all seemed rather silly now that she didn't tell Clarke right away seeing as she was still around and still wanted to spend the night with her, but she knew the real reason she didn't tell Clarke right away was because she wasn't sure if she just only liked her, or girls in general.

She was still confused about some of it, especially now.

“I don't know.”

Clarke hummed lightly in response.

It became silent between them, and after a while, Lexa wondered if Clarke had fallen asleep, and she lightly clenched her jaw.

What was going to happen now?

 

The next day, Clarke had gone home early, and though things seemed...' _fine'_ for the most part, Lexa slowly noticed that following week that there was something off between them.

They still hung out at school, which of course, word had spread about Lexa and she would catch a few glances and whispers in her direction, and this made her become more quiet and reserved around others, but she could feel the awkward tension between her and Clarke.

Raven and Octavia acted normal as usual, perhaps they forced it for Lexa's sake, but Clarke seemed tense around her, as did Lexa with her. It was as if they were secretly walking on eggshells around each other and pretending like everything was normal.

For instance, when Clarke had accidentally bump into her one day, she apologized as if Lexa would be upset that she had, and another time when they had both reached for the door handle, it was awkward when their hands had touched and they quickly pulled back, like they were strangers who didn't mean to touch the other.

This brought Lexa down as the week continued like this, because this was the last thing she had wanted, and yet, it was inevitably happening. She felt like she was slowly becoming distant from Clarke, as if they were on the wrong page. It didn't feel right.

She wished she could take it all back, and do it over again.

 

“—Okay, I think I get it,” she said.

“Do you now?” Lexa asked, and she nodded.

“Mhm.”

“Please, enlighten me,” Lexa said with mild curiosity.

“Well, Clarke had mentioned before about you two kissing— _twice_ , actually, but you didn't make a move or any indication that you wanted to. _Then_ , she catches you kissing another girl, so whether she realized she was bisexual or not at the time, I bet she was feeling not only jealous, but insecure,” she said with a nod.

“What makes you say that?” Lexa questioned.

“Because you said you kissed Costia to further confirm that you were gay, when Clarke had basically offered the same thing without realizing you were gay then, but she's probably thinking back on that and wondering why you didn't. _And_ not to mention that you said you had been questioning yourself for a while, so she probably thought you didn't see her in that way, and because of your fear you failed to let her know this, _and so then_ , she said you should date Costia to deflect the fact that she was probably jealous and insecure,” she said quickly as if she had just figured out a mystery.

Lexa stayed silent for a moment before she looked up at her. “I thought I was just telling you a story to pass the time. Not trying to analyze my mistakes.”

“Yeah, well...you know I can't keep my thoughts to myself.” She shrugged with a smile.

“That I do.”

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so, this chapter isn't too crazy or anything, but it has been a month (I was pretty busy) and I wanted to get something up for you all!  
> Hope you guys enjoy!

“Alright so, things are awkward between you and Clarke,” she said, and Lexa nodded.

“Yes.”

“And no one is talking about the giant elephant in the room,” she listed off.

“Correct.”

“But Clarke hasn't realized she's bisexual yet.”

“Mhm.”

“When does that happen?” she asked.

“Not for a while,” Lexa said, and she tilted her head.

“Why not?”

Lexa looked down. “Because...some more not-so-great things happened.”

“I'm listening...”

 

Their Spring Break had come and unsurprisingly at this point, Lexa and Clarke didn't hang out, but mostly because Raven and her aunt had a wedding out west, which her aunt was a part of, and she said she could bring a friend to keep her company during the wedding.

Raven had initially asked Octavia, who couldn't go because her mother was having minor surgery and needed help around the house, and so she had asked Clarke.

Lexa wasn't hurt about it, they were fairly closer than she and Raven were, but Raven had reassured her that if Clarke couldn't have gone she was going to ask her next.

Of course, Lexa had told Anya all about what had happened since the dance.

“Are you _sure_ she didn't come onto you that night and you just don't want to say it?” Anya asked sternly as they sat in her room one night.

“ _No_ , Costia didn't 'come onto me'. She asked and I said yes,” Lexa said as she leaned back against her bed and thought about that night. Did she regret it?

...She wasn't sure. She wasn't really sure what to think of it all, really.

“So, what's going to happen between you two, then?” Anya questioned, and Lexa looked up curiously. She was uncertain who she was referring to.

“Me and…?”

“Costia. Duh,” Anya said, grabbing another animal cracker from the bag and dipping it into the butter cream frosting they had taken from the kitchen.

“Oh...I don't know. I've never really thought about it.” Lexa shrugged.

“Well...maybe you _should_ go for it,” she said with a shrug, and Lexa looked up curiously.

“What?”

“Yeah, you know, try it out.”

“Why?” Lexa raised a brow, and Anya shrugged again.

“Because she's into girls...you're into girls,” she said as if it were obvious, but Lexa chuckled lightly.

“Just because we both like girls doesn't mean we should just automatically date each other. I don't think that's how gay relationships work...”

“No, but it could help? Since it seems like nothing is going to happen between you and Clarke,” she sighed, and Lexa looked away again, not wanting to think about that.

“I don't know.”

“Well, if you're not going to talk to Clarke about your feelings, you should try it. Might help you take your mind off of her,” Anya encouraged, and Lexa gently sighed this time. She had come to realize she didn't like talking about her feelings much. Look where it had already gotten her and Clarke when she opened up to Costia.

“I'll think about it,” she said, and watched as Anya dipped another animal cracker into the frosting jar. “So...When are you going to tell Uncle Gus and my mom?” she asked to divert the subject, and Anya stopped chewing for a moment, before she finished and swallowed, looking down at her stomach.

“I don't know...maybe by summer when I'm sure I won't be able to hide it so well,” she said, obviously not keen on the idea, and Lexa nodded.

“Do you think they'll be angry?” she asked, though she kind of already had a feeling.

“Oh, I'm sure they'd rather wish the cops were bringing me home drunk from a party instead,” Anya joked, though Lexa could see the slight uneasiness in her eyes. Lexa then grabbed an animal cracker from the bag and dipped it into the jar.

“Well, just tell me when and I'll be there,” she said, popping it into her mouth, and Anya smiled as she grabbed another cracker.

“Thanks, kid. I'll definitely need the support.”

 

Thankfully and not, Spring Break had gone by rather quickly because her mother had decided that since Lexa wasn't going to be doing much of anything, they could 'spring clean' in the house and her room. It took a lot of work, but she was able to rid of most of her childhood things that she had never got around to tossing out, and her Uncle Gus and Nyko had dismantled and turned her bunk bed frame into a single bed, and now her room was looking much more mature.

They returned to school and still, it felt like things were not quite like they used to be between her and Clarke. In fact, since her and Raven had basically spent the entire break together, they seemed to be...a lot closer, and as Lexa watched and listened to them tell her and Octavia about all of the fun stuff they did and all of the inside jokes they threw at each other, Lexa felt bittersweet and jealous.

However, she wasn't about to admit or show it. She would just rather keep it to herself, and so she would laugh when they laughed, and smiled when they told them stories of their little adventure.

She still had glances and whispers thrown her way when she walked down the halls, as she was sure more people had heard about her over the break, but she tried her best to ignore them.

However, when her P.E. class had rolled around, she had her first brush with being outed.

Everything was fine in the beginning, and they played indoor soccer because it had begun to rain outside, but it wasn't until after when the teacher told them to all clean up in the locker rooms that Lexa had encountered what she had been wary of about people finding out.

As soon as she stepped into the locker room, nearly all of the girls froze, watching her with cautious eyes, while some that were changing their clothes tried to cover up and hide, and she rolled her eyes and went over to her locker to change. All of the girls that were near her locker quickly dressed and walked away, leaving whispers after them, and she sighed with irritation as she sat down and began to undo her sneaker.

Then, she heard Ontari, one of the more 'popular' girls in her grade, speaking on the other side of the locker.

“...I always had a feeling there was something different about her,” she heard her voice—that she wasn't quite keeping in a whisper—carry over. “I would catch her watching me while I changed from time to time, but I never thought anything of it.”

“Eww!” A few of the girls snickered, and Lexa clenched her jaw. She _never_ watched any of the girls change.

“Yeah. One time she said she liked my shirt, that low-cut one with that rock band or whatever that my sister got me. I think she was really staring at my chest though,” another girl said loud and boldly, and Lexa angrily threw her P.E. clothes into her locker as she listened.

“Shouldn't the school like...have rules against that or something?” Ontari asked out loud. “Maybe we should talk to the teacher because I don't want some creepy _lesbo_ staring at my body while I'm trying to change.”

Lexa finally had enough. She slammed her locker shut and walked over to the other side, and they all fell silent as they looked up at her.

“Oh, I'm sorry. Did I interrupt?” she asked with irritation as she stared back at all of them.

“Uh, yeah. We're trying to change, _pervert._ So run along and stop staring at us,” Ontari said with a sneer, stepping forward, and Lexa chuckled with a shake of her head.

“Alright. _Yes_ , everyone knows I like girls,” she said with mock surprise. “But _please_ do not flatter yourselves. _None_ of you are my type, especially you, Ontari. I'd rather stare at a fork in a garbage disposal than look at you,” she said, and surprisingly, she heard a few other girls laugh, while some of the others' mouths dropped open, and she turned and began to leave.

“Yeah, right _lesbo,_ I've seen you staring at me before. You just wish you could have this,” Ontari shot back rather lamely in Lexa's opinion, and she stopped, looking back.

“Hmm...no.” She shook her head. “ _You_ just wish I was staring at you, but I have higher standards than dolled-up trash,” she said, and before Ontari could say anything else, she turned and walked out of the locker room with a slam of the door.

She was sure she heard howls and laughter on the other side.

 

“—Yes! Ugh, I love a good comeback,” she said, and raised her hand up.

Lexa chuckled and high-fived her. “Thank you, but it only gets better,” she said with sarcasm.

“Oh boy...”

 

Lexa didn't tell Clarke or anyone what had happened in the locker room, especially Anya, because she didn't want her trying to go after Ontari, or anyone, considering she was pregnant. She knew how to look after herself, anyway.

However, in the following days after that little incident, as she walked to her regular locker before lunch, she looked up to see what looked like a photo of a woman in a bikini ripped from a magazine taped to the front with the word _'LESBO'_ written in red across it. She heard a few snickers as she stared at it, and she sighed as she tore it off of her locker and opened it.

“Hey, don't be hogging all of the attention,” she heard behind her as she put her stuff away, and became confused.

“What—Oh, hey,” she said as she turned and spotted Costia standing there. She hadn't talked to her since the dance.

“Don't worry, I still get fan mail like this from time to time,” she said, taking the magazine page from her hand and staring at it as she leaned against the lockers next to hers.

“Great. Something to look forward to,” Lexa said sarcastically as she exchanged her books.

“Anyway.” Costia ripped the magazine in half and crumpled it up, tossing it into a trash not too far from them. “What are you doing for lunch?”

Lexa froze for a moment, before looking up at her. “Uhm...just probably going with my friends to the cafeteria.”

“Well, did you wanna go to lunch with my friend Luna and I? We usually drive down to the gas station, get junk food and come back,” she said casually with a shrug of her shoulder.

Lexa felt slightly nervous and possibly a little odd that she was asking her to lunch, and she was reminded of what Anya had said to her.

“Uhm...I would, but Freshmen aren't allowed to leave campus,” she said, and Costia nodded.

“Oh, that's right,” she chuckled. “I forgot you're younger than you appear.”

She spotted Clarke, Raven, and Octavia down the hall by Octavia's locker, and after she shut hers, she began to walk with Costia next to her.

“Well, I am older than most of my class because my birthday was just passed the 'deadline' for kindergarten, so I had to wait another year to start,” Lexa said, and Costia nodded.

“Makes sense. Well, do you want to hang with us when we come back?” she asked hopeful, and as Clarke looked down the hall and spotted Lexa walking towards them, her eyes roamed over to Costia, before going back to Lexa, and then looking down and away.

“Uhm...maybe next time?” Lexa said, slightly making a face, and she saw Costia glance at Clarke, before nodding her head.

“Yeah, sure. Just let me know,” she then said with a smile, and she walked up ahead to join a girl with large, curly hair that Lexa assumed to be Luna, and they walked out of the hall.

Lexa finally made it over to Clarke and the others.

“Hey, were you just talking to Costia?” Raven suddenly asked with a low voice and a sly smile.

“Uh, yeah,” Lexa said awkwardly, readjusting her strap as she glanced at Clarke, who wasn't smiling, nor did she really look upset. She just had an impassive expression on her face, and this made Lexa curious.

“What did she say to you?” Octavia asked as they began to walk.

“She just asked if I wanted to hang with her and her friend for lunch,” she tried to say casually, as if it were no big deal. It really wasn't.

“Oh?” Raven's smile grew wider. “Are you going to?”

“No.” Lexa shook her head, and Clarke finally looked up at her with a creased brow.

“Why not?”

Lexa felt confused that Clarke was asking her, but she shrugged it away.

“I told her I was going to lunch with you guys.”

“Well, maybe you should,” she said, and Lexa wasn't sure...but she swore she heard a slight bite in her tone.

“Why?” she asked Clarke.

“Because clearly she's into you. I don't know how you don't see it,” she said, and Lexa felt herself becoming defensive that Clarke was saying this.

Why? She wasn't sure. Possibly because it felt like Clarke was pushing her further away, and because it was more proof that nothing would happen between them.

_Because Clarke's not into girls. She's just trying to be a good friend._ She tried to tell herself, but she was already feeling slightly irritated on the inside. She had only had two encounters with Costia.

“We're not really even friends. I don't know her,” Lexa said, and Clarke rolled her eyes.

“That's why you hang out with her, and get to know her. _Obviously_ she wants to get to know you. She kissed you after all,” she responded back as she continued to walk, keeping her face forward, and Lexa lightly clenched her jaw as she stared after Clarke. What was up with her?

“I don't know, maybe I will then,” Lexa finally said with an irritated sigh, and as they continued to walk in silent tension, she caught part of something Raven whispered to Octavia behind her.

“...being weird...”

 

“—Ugh, you guys are _so bad_ at communicating your feelings,” she said with a shake of her head.

“Yeah,” Lexa chuckled gently, but it was far from funny.

“Like all of this probably could have been avoided if you had just been honest with each other,” she pointed out.

Lexa lightly glared. “Don't you think I know that now?”

“Yeah, well...I'm just saying.” She raised her brows.

“We were young back then, and contrary to immature belief, you don't know or have all of the answers in life,” Lexa said, but she perked up with pride.

“I'd like to think I was an exception.”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “Of course you do...”

 

Thankfully, as they headed to lunch the subject had changed, and Lexa mostly listened as the others chatted away. Though, she couldn't stop thinking about how Clarke reacted to Costia asking her to hang at lunch, and it was eating away at her thoughts faster than she was eating the food on her tray.

She seemed upset about it, even though she was telling her to go for it. Why?

Was Clarke playing some kind of mind game with her? What did it mean though? Was she just jealous? These thoughts buzzed in her head, but she couldn't bring herself to ask, not in front of the other two, and she just pushed it away like everything else, letting it sit in her chest.

 

After lunch had ended, she headed to Study Hall, which she actually shared with Octavia, and looked forward to distracting herself with work.

However, there was apparently a substitute teacher, and so class was rather...chaotic and loud today as everyone did what they wanted and the sub didn't stop them.

“Hey.” Octavia leaned over as Lexa tried to finish up her daily English journal entry for the rest of the week so she didn't have to worry about it.

“Yes?” she asked, keeping her eyes on the page as she wrote away.

“What's up with you and Clarke?”

Her pen froze, and she glanced up at her.

“Uhh...nothing, why?” She tried to look confused, and Octavia shrugged.

“I dunno, just seems like you two have been off lately. What's going on?” she pressed on, and Lexa tried to keep her features indifferent as she shrugged.

“Nothing.”

“Lexa,” Octavia paused, causing her to look up once more. “You can tell me.”

As she stared at Octavia for a moment, she wondered if she could open up to her. She knew Octavia was trustworthy, but she just didn't want to say anything that would cause any sort of wedge between any of her friends, despite what she was going through. They didn't deserve that.

Still...even though she has talked to Anya about it, she wondered if she would feel better opening up to someone who knew Clarke just about as well as she did.

“Uhm...” She tried to think of how to go about this, feeling her nerves rising up.

However, she suddenly heard low voices behind her.

“Yeah, bro. She's a lesbian...They saw her kissing that other one at the dance...”

“Wish I could have seen that.”

She clenched her jaw as Octavia looked back and glared at them as they snickered, before turning back to her.

“Just ignore them.”

“She doesn't look like one...” One of them continued to whisper loudly enough for her to hear.

“She's friends with that Griffin girl, right?” She heard the other, and immediately felt her defenses beginning to rise. Couldn't people just leave it alone? Leave her alone?

“Yeah...”

“Well, I would become a lesbian too if I had a friend with a chest like that,” they said and snickered, and suddenly, Lexa stood up and turned around. Her adrenaline was already coursing through her.

“Shut the hell up,” she spat angrily, and as they looked up at her, they laughed to each other.

“Ooh, someone's got a temper,” one of them, who she realized was named Quint, teased, and the other, Atom, who was leaning back on the two legs of his chair, laughed.

“Hey, quiet down over there,” the substitute said tiredly, not bothering to see what was actually going on as they read their book.

“I don't care if you talk about me, but don't talk about my friends,” Lexa warned, but they only continued to laugh at her.

“Why not? Are they all lesbian with you, too?” Quint smirked, tilting his head, and Lexa clenched her fist.

“Quit being jerks,” Octavia said angrily to them.

“Or what? Your 'big bro' isn't here to rescue you,” Atom said with a sneer to her, and she glared. Everyone knew Bellamy and Atom used to be close friends until they got into a fight at school once, and they never liked each other after that, which made Atom act rude most of the time towards Octavia.

“So, what made you gay? Your friend's big rack?” Quint asked, and Lexa felt her anger rising rapidly as she stared at him.

She didn't know why he was attacking her, but she never liked him in the first place, and he was notorious for being a jerk and causing trouble without reason.

“I said shut up.”

He chuckled again and then leaned forward. “Have you touched them yet? If I was friends with her, I would—“ He began to say, but without even thinking twice about it, Lexa lunged forward and punched him in the face before he could finish, and she heard a few gasps around the class.

Before Atom could even react, she shoved their table back into him, causing the chair he was leaning back in to topple over, and he fell hard to the ground. A few of the students laughed.

“What the hell!” Quint spat angrily when he recovered. “You little shit!” He quickly stood up, and Lexa prepared herself as he came around his desk, when suddenly Finn Collins appeared and shoved him back away from her. She had forgotten she shared Study Hall with him.

“Back off, Quint,” he warned, surprising Lexa, and Quint stepped up to him.

“Or what?” he asked, seeming ready to fight, but the substitute teacher had finally gotten up from their desk.

“What is going on here?”

“She punched me in the face for no reason!” Quint said angrily, a red mark on his cheek that was only becoming brighter.

“He was being mean and saying nasty things, and she told him to stop!” Octavia quickly interjected.

“She shoved the desk into me and made me fall!” Atom said after he had gotten up, holding the back of his head.

The substitute teacher shook their head, seeming overwhelmed by all that was going on. “I don't care who did what, you can all go to the principal's office! Now!”

“No, this is bullshit. I'm out of here,” Quint said as if he were being wrongfully accused, and grabbed his bag, heading towards the door.

The substitute walked after him, yelling at him not to leave, and Atom snatched his bag up as well, beginning to follow.

“ _Dyke,”_ he spat angrily to Lexa as he held the back of his head, and she watched him with fury as he walked out of the classroom.

 

“—What assholes!” she said loudly, and Lexa hushed her. “Sorry. I'm just like...wow.” She shook her head.

“Yeah, well...I never understood why he did it, but I think part of it had to do with the fact that in sixth grade I beat him to the finish line at the relay race, and his team got mad that a 'girl beat him'.” She shrugged.

“Still,” she sighed. “Anyway, is this the part where you punch Finn in the nose?”

“No.”

“Aww, come on...”

 

The room was silent, and Lexa stood there in fury. Her hand was throbbing, but she was too angry to care.

“Hey, are you alright?” Finn then asked her, but as she looked at him, she was still boiling with anger.

It wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair that he didn't have to worry about what people thought when they found out he liked a girl.

It wasn't fair that he could like _her_ and not feel conflicted about it.

It wasn't fair that people were treating her like _she_ was _abnormal_.

And what was he getting at, jumping to her aid? They weren't friends. What did he care? Did he think he would get in good with her to get closer to Clarke?

“Leave me alone,” she said angrily as she snatched up her things and shoved them into her bag to leave.

“Lexa, wait,” Octavia called out, but she just wanted to get away from all of the stares that were burning into her.

She stood outside of the classroom for a moment with an angry beating heart as she leaned against the wall, before thumping her head back into it angrily as she bit her lip. She raised her hand to look at her bright red knuckles, flexing her hand with a slight ache before she dropped it down.

What a mess that was. She didn't know what had come over her that she just acted without thinking. She was just so angry all of the time, and her temper was shorter it seemed these days. Things were easily setting her off, and it was becoming harder to maintain herself.

However, as she finally pushed away from the wall and headed towards the hallway doors, unsure of where she was even going to go, it opened before she could reach it, and the principal stood there and stared down at her.

“Lexa Woods. Come with me.”

 

She sat outside of the principal's office, shaking her leg.

They had called her mother, and she was heading here from work. Lexa knew she was going to be upset.

The principal's door opened and she looked up to see Atom walking out, and he threw her a glare as he left the office. It wasn't long before her mother was coming in through the same door wearing her work uniform and a concerned look, and she walked over to Lexa.

“Honey, are you alright? They called me at work and said I needed to come down,” she said worriedly, looking her over, but before Lexa could respond, Principal Kane spoke first.

“Ms. Woods? Please, come in. Lexa, you too,” he said, and her mother gave her a curious look before they followed him into his office.

Lexa's heart was racing.

 

“You did _what_?” Her mother asked, looking to her with a creased brow as she sat next to her.

Lexa didn't know what to say.

“Atom said he and Quint were just joking around with you, and you got upset and punched Quint in the face and shoved Atom out of his chair and he hit his head?” Principal Kane asked curiously.

“Lexa, why would you do that?” her mother asked, and she could tell her anger was beginning to rise.

“They were making fun of me and saying rude things, and I told them to stop,” she said firmly, feeling her own anger rise. This wasn't fair.

“But to go as far as to punch a kid and shove another out of his seat? You're lucky neither of them didn't get seriously injured!” Her mother said with a sharp tone, and then shook her head. “What did they say that would make you do something like that?” she asked, and Lexa clenched her jaw, feeling her heart beating hard in her chest.

She didn't want to say the whole truth.

“They were talking inappropriately about Clarke's body. Octavia heard them as well,” she said instead, and Principal Kane raised his brows.

“Well, they certainly didn't say _that_. Why didn't you tell the substitute right away?” he then asked, and Lexa shrugged as her leg continued to shake with the adrenaline still coursing through her.

“I wasn't thinking.”

Her mother quietly sighed.

“I'm sorry, Mr. Kane. She's not normally like this,” she said, and Principal Kane nodded, but Lexa felt offended inside at her mother's words. _'Normal'._ She wasn't normal, and it seemed like everyone was having their own way of letting her know.

“Well, while I have you here, Lexa, there's something I wanted to talk to you about...” he trailed off, scratching his nose in a way that meant he was thinking of his words carefully, and he cleared his throat as he readjusted in his seat. She felt nervous.

“What?”

“Well...I know you're a good kid, and a good student. You've got high marks and good grades, and I haven't had any problems with you—up until now,” he chuckled gently as if this would lighten the situation, and seriousness crossed his face again when no one else laughed. “But uhm, the other day some girls came into my office, and they...” His eyes roamed around his desk for a moment, “said they felt uncomfortable in the locker room...”

Lexa's stomach sunk to the floor as she stared at him.

“Why? What do you mean?” Her mother spoke up, and Lexa felt fear and worry enter her.

Not _this_. Not _now_.

“Well...they claimed that you were...'staring' at them, and said it was because you are, uhm...”

This couldn't be happening. Lexa felt like she was going to puke, and so she couldn't even open her mouth to stop him.

“What?” her mother pressed on as Principal Kane looked more uncomfortable.

“They said she was, uh... _'batting for the other team'_ ,” he said awkwardly, and Lexa internally cringed. “Now, I don't believe you were staring, Lexa, because again, you're a good student, nor am I saying that what they said about you is true, but—“

“—I'm sorry, what did you just say?” Her mother interrupted him, and Lexa was shaking on the inside.

“Listen, this is all hearsay, but Lexa,” he turned to her, “if you're...you know, feeling confused or anything, that may be where this aggression is coming from, and I think instead of detention or suspension, you should take a couple of sessions with our guidance counselor Indra Forest...She may be able to...”

Lexa began to tune him out as she stared down towards his desk. She couldn't believe he had just outed her to her own mother. She wasn't even ready for that.

Would anything ever go right for her?

“...could talk it out during Study Hall—Lexa?” he called after her, but before she even realized what she was doing, she was already rushing out of the office.

 

The drive home was silent.

Principal Kane let her go home for the day, and she held her hands firmly together in her lap as her mother drove them home. Her throat was tight, her stomach was churning with each silent moment that passed, and her brain was racing just as fast as the car. She half-wished her mother would say something, or even just yell at her, but she didn't say a word and kept her eyes on the road.

They finally made it home, and they sat there quietly in the driveway.

“I have to go back to work, but Nyko is home,” her mother said once she parked the car. Her tone was flat and unwavering.

Suddenly, Lexa felt angry tears welling up in her eyes, and she wiped them away roughly with her sleeve.

“Stop. There is nothing you should be crying about,” her mother said firmly, yet there was this gentleness underneath it, but Lexa looked at her with confusion.

“Aren't you mad at me?” she asked, her voice slightly shaking.

“For punching a kid and pushing another out of his seat? Yes. But I'm mad because you handled that poorly. I raised you better than that, Lexa,” she responded with disappointment.

“...That's it?” Lexa asked hesitantly, and her mother finally looked at her.

“Why else would I be mad at you?” she asked, and Lexa had to look away.

“F-For being...” she couldn't finish, but her mother spoke up.

“For being who you are? No, I'm not mad about that, Lexa,” she said firmly with a shake of her head. “But we will talk about that later. Right now, you are going to go in and finish all of your homework, and then you are going to clean the house for the next two weeks because you are grounded.”

“Okay.” Lexa nodded quietly, and though she was bummed because this was her first time ever being grounded, she also had a hopeful undertone because her mother seemed completely alright with the fact that her daughter was gay.

She climbed out of the car and began to head inside when her mother called out to her, and she turned around.

“I love you. All of you, Sweetheart,” she said sincerely, and Lexa smiled gratefully.

“I love you too,” she said, and finally went inside.

Maybe punching Quint wasn't so bad after all.

 

“Oh my god...I am so sorry you were outed like that,” she said sincerely with a sympathetic frown.

Lexa shrugged. “It's all in the past now.”

“True, but hey, 'Mom of the Year Award' to her!” she said excitedly, causing Lexa to chuckle.

“Yeah, I gained a lot of appreciation for her after that day.”

Suddenly, they heard a noise that wasn't the storm, and Lexa looked up, but all remained silent.

“Maybe it's time for you to go to bed,” she suggested.

“What? No! We're just getting to all the interesting parts!” She frowned, and Lexa contemplated.

“Well...fine, but let's go put on some pajamas at least.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! Another chapter!  
> I've been feeling way off my game with this one lately (hence why I haven't updated in a long time), but I tried really hard to get another chapter up, so I apologize if it seems...I dunno, off? I get a little insecure and almost overwhelmed, especially when I haven't worked on a certain story for so long and try to come back to it, but I'm sure you guys understand! So go easy on me, lol. :P  
> Anyway, this one is a little emotional, but hopefully you guys enjoy it!

“Okay, so you have to be getting close to the part where you finally tell Clarke your feelings,” she said confidently with a nod. “Am I right?”

Lexa smiled and shook her head. “No.”

“What! Oh my god. Just _how long_ does this go on?” she asked desperately.

“I can skip closer to the end if you want, but you're going to miss out on me punching Finn in the nose,” Lexa said nonchalantly, but she shook her head vigorously.

“No, no, continue. I want to hear.”

“Alright...”

 

When Lexa had returned the next day, nearly _everyone_ was talking about how she had punched Quint and shoved Atom like it was the most exciting news. People asked her during class, some made jokes that she was going to punch them if they didn't get out of her way, and a few random people praised her. Even Anya was impressed when she had explained it to her the night before.

Honestly, she just wanted to forget it already.

On top of that, she hadn't seen Clarke all morning, and when she finally ran into Raven after second period—because she had been late getting to school—she was greeted with an excited high-five.

“Hell yeah, Lexa! Octavia told me over the phone last night, and I was _stoked_. I hate those two, they're such asses,” she said, and Octavia shook her head at her choice of words.

“Thanks,” Lexa said a bit awkwardly, and though it had felt good to put Quint in his place, she just didn't quite like this attention she was getting. She then looked around. “Where's Clarke?”

“Oh, she said she had a dentist appointment this morning, and then her dad's going to drop her off probably after lunch. I already told her what happened.” Raven smiled, and Lexa forced a smile back.

“Oh, okay.”

She wondered what Clarke had thought about it, but she didn't get a chance to ask as the bell had rung, and they quickly hurried off to class.

As she entered her History class prepared to make up an excuse as to why she was late, she suddenly realized there was _way_ too many students inside the classroom, all talking loudly with an excited feel in the air, and she looked around curiously.

“What's going on?” she asked Emori, who was standing near the wall as all of the seats were taken up.

“The teacher in the classroom next door tripped or something and hit his head on the corner of his desk. Cut it right open.” She made a motion across the side of her forehead. “So they brought all of the students here while he gets checked out. Just happened right at the end of last period so they're trying to find a sub,” she said, and Lexa nodded, but as she looked around at all of the unfamiliar students, she suddenly made eye contact with Costia, who was standing on the other side of the room and smiled with a small wave. Lexa smiled back lightly.

“Alright, alright. Everyone settle down,” her history teacher called out. “Now, I know it's a tight squeeze in here, but everyone try to find somewhere to sit. I'm just going to put on a movie—“

“—What are we gonna watch?” A student called out excitedly.

“It's a war documentary,” the teacher said as he popped in the DVD, earning loud groans throughout the room. “— _Quiet down_. So, either you can watch the movie, or work on any assignments you have. Miller, Jaha, come with me to grab a few more chairs from next door.”

Once they got the class settled in for the most part, the teacher turned off the lights for those that were going to watch the movie, but Lexa had already seen this one before, so she moved to sit on the floor towards the back of the class where the windows were and decided to work on some assignments.

Within a few minutes, someone sat next to her.

“Hey,” Costia greeted her quietly, and Lexa looked up.

“Oh, hey.”

“I heard about what happened yesterday,” she said with a smile, and Lexa nodded her head as it didn't surprising her.

“Yeah...” She looked down at the work in her lap. “Not my proudest moment.”

“I thought it was pretty cool.” Costia shrugged, and Lexa gave her a light appreciative smile.

“Thanks.”

They sat there quietly for a moment, and Lexa realized Costia was sitting...rather close to her, but she brushed it off because there wasn't much room to sit anyway.

“So...” Costia began, looking around the room for a moment. “Have you thought about it?” she asked, and Lexa looked at her curiously.

“About what?”

“Hanging out at lunch sometime,” she said with a gentle chuckle.

“Oh, uhm,” Lexa trailed off, thinking for a moment. She hadn't really thought about it much, to be honest.

“Come on, just one lunch,” Costia said, nudging her lightly, and Lexa smiled awkwardly.

Why did she want to hang out with her at lunch so badly? It wasn't like Lexa was _that_ interesting, in her opinion.

She couldn't help the thoughts of what Anya—and even Clarke—had said about her going for it and getting to know Costia, but she tried to shake them away.

However, a simple word blurted from her mouth.

“Why?”

Costia gave her a curious look, and Lexa lightly blushed with embarrassment from her lack of proper words.

“I mean, why me? Why do you want to go to lunch with me?” she asked, curious of Costia's intentions. It wasn't like they ever flirted or...really knew each other. They just kissed as an experiment on Lexa's part. That was it. Unless she was just looking too hard into this.

“I dunno, I just think you're pretty cool...for a Freshmen,” Costia teased, and Lexa chuckled lightly. “So, what do you say?”

Was Costia in a roundabout way trying to see if Lexa was interested? It seemed that way.

She thought about it, remembering what Raven had said about Clarke not showing up until after lunch, and again, Anya's and Clarke's voices echoing in her head to get to know her. Should she? It wouldn't really be a big deal to have lunch with her just once since Clarke wasn't going to be there…And it wasn't like they were as close as they used to be—at least, that's what it had been feeling like lately to Lexa.

“I mean, unless you're still like 'stuck' on your friend— _No offense_ ,” Costia added quickly with a bit of worried look. “I just mean...if you're, you know…free,” she said the last part curiously.

Lexa's brow creased slightly at her words. Is that what she thought? That she was 'stuck' on Clarke and that it made her unavailable? For some reason, she didn't like to think of it like that. It made her seem...weak to her feelings. She didn't like that.

“No.” She shook her head. “I'm not...it's not like that,” she said, and Costia nodded.

“Of course, yeah. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that,” she apologized worriedly, and Lexa believed she truly didn't.

“It's alright.”

It was silent for a few moments.

“So...then, did you wanna go to lunch today?” Costia asked a bit awkwardly.

She thought hard about it in the short time she had, because she didn't want to stay silent for too long and let things become extremely awkward, and she finally figured it wouldn't hurt to go just this once.

It wasn't like there was anything happening in her young 'love life' anyway that she couldn't say no. Not that she was considering this to be anything like that, but it was becoming apparent that Costia seemed to be interested in her.

_'Might help you take your mind off of her...'_ Anya's voice echoed in her head. Maybe she should.

She finally looked up. “Uh, yeah, sure. I can hang out today.”

Costia smiled.

 

“—Noooo,” she groaned, falling over into the couch. “This is where it starts, isn't it?”

Lexa smiled gently. “What was I to do? I thought the girl I wanted wasn't interested in me, and she was telling me to go for the one that was.”

“Yeah, because you guys suck at communicating,” she said, and Lexa sighed.

“If you're going to keep criticizing us, I'm not going to finish the story,” she said sternly.

“Sorry. I can see how all of that can be confusing and frustrating though, and I feel like I'm understanding you better,” she said, and Lexa tilted her head curiously.

“How so?”

“You were someone who didn't like coming off as weak, and Clarke made you weak.”

Lexa smiled gently again.

“Yeah, she did.”

 

Lunch time had finally come around, and Lexa told Raven and Octavia of her plans.

“ _Oooh, going to lunch with Cos-ti-a!”_ Raven teased in a sing-song voice, and Lexa rolled her eyes.

“It's not like that. We're just hanging out as friends,” she said sternly as they began to walk to the end of the hall.

“Do you like her, though?” Octavia asked curiously, and Lexa glanced at her.

“I don't really know her. I mean, she seems cool, I guess.” She shrugged. She didn't really know what to say about her. It wasn't that she _didn't_ like her so far, but she wasn't pining over her like...she secretly did with Clarke.

They walked outside, and Costia and Luna approached them.

“Hey.” Costia smiled and Lexa smiled in return. “This is Luna,” she introduced the curly-haired girl, who raised her hand in wave.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” Lexa responded, and before she could introduce the other two, Raven spoke up first.

“'Sup. I'm Raven,” she said, smiling at Luna, who smiled in return.

“Hi, Raven,” she said, and Lexa gave a curious look as they simply smiled at each other, until Octavia tried to secretly nudge Raven's arm.

“—Oh, and this is Octavia. A.K.A Bellamy's little sister.” She motioned to her, and Octavia gave a quick light glare.

“Just call me Octavia... _please_ ,” she said, and they chuckled.

It became quiet as they all stood there, and Lexa looked at Raven and Octavia with slightly raised brows, until Raven finally got the hint.

“Alright! Well, we're gonna get in line now. See you later!” she said, pulling Octavia along, who waved goodbye. Lexa watched them curiously as they walked away, looking back with smiles and giggles.

“So...” Lexa paused awkwardly. “Should I just...wait till you guys get back?” she asked, and Costia chuckled as she glanced at Luna.

“No, we were gonna sneak you off of campus,” she said slyly, and Lexa slightly made a face. “Don't worry, no one's gonna notice and we'll come right back. Luna said she did it all of the time her Freshman year.”

“Oh, okay.” Lexa nodded, and Luna took off her jacket.

“Here, put this on and put the hood up,” she said, handing it to her.

Lexa took her bag off of her shoulder and set it down to put the jacket on, but as soon as she did, she suddenly spotted Clarke, and did a double-take before she froze.

“Clarke?” she called out, not at all expecting to see her, and Clarke stopped and looked, before sending a wave at her.

“I'll be right back,” Lexa said to the other two, and they nodded.

“Hey,” Clarke said as she approached her, and glanced at the other two before looking back to Lexa. “I didn't know you were here. Raven told me what happened. Are you alright?” she asked, concern taking over her features, and Lexa nodded.

“Uhm, yeah. I'm...I'm fine.”

“I tried to call you last night, but Nyko said you couldn't talk on the phone,” Clarke said with a creased brow.

“Yeah...I got grounded,” Lexa chuckled lightly, and Clarke smiled.

“Well, I assume it was worth it, from what I heard,” she said with a light chuckle, and Lexa smiled.

“Yeah...it was.”

“Which, I wanted to say thank you...for sticking up for me,” she then said sincerely.

Lexa nodded, still smiling gently. “Of course, Clarke.”

She wanted to say more, like _'I'd do anything for you'_ and _'I'll always protect you'_ , but it just felt like too much, especially when they were standing out in the open, so they stood there a bit awkwardly for a moment, until Costia suddenly called out.

“You coming, Muhammad Ali?”

They both looked over, and Lexa wasn't sure what to say now, when Clarke spoke first.

“Oh, are you...going to lunch with them?” she asked and Lexa felt guilt wash over her.

“I uh...I didn't know you were going to be back before lunch, so...I said I would hang out with them today,” she explained, lightly making a face, and Clarke looked slightly surprised.

“ _Oh_. Okay. Cool,” she said, looking down, and Lexa immediately regretted saying it. Why did she tell her that? She should have just said no.

_Damnit. You idiot._ She thought to herself and wanted to change plans.

“—But I mean, I can go to lunch with them another time,” she tried, but Clarke shook her head.

“Oh, no. Go ahead. I just remembered that I told Finn we could start on our science project today during lunch anyway, because I thought you were suspended or something,” she said, and Lexa felt strange.

They just always seemed to be on the wrong page lately.

“Oh, you guys are science partners?” she asked instead, though she wasn't sure why she did, and Clarke nodded.

“Yeah, which means I'll have to try to convince my dad to let a boy come over to the house finally,” she chuckled, and Lexa forced a smile, immediately disliking the thought of Clarke and Finn being alone together. She tried to push the imagine from her mind.

“—Hey, Clarke!” Finn suddenly called out, walking over to them, and Lexa bit the inside of her lip as she watched him approach.

How was it that everyone _but her_ seemed to have the most perfect timing?

“Hey,” Clarke greeted him.

“Hey, Lexa,” he said rather stiffly to her, and looked back to Clarke. “You ready?” he asked with a smile, and she nodded before looking to Lexa.

“So...I guess I'll see you around then?” she asked, her features somewhat impassive, and Lexa nodded.

“Yeah...”

“Alright. Bye,” Clarke said, and Lexa watched as she began to walk away with Finn.

“Lexa, you coming or what?” Costia called out, and she nodded, turning to walk away.

She looked back at Clarke, who glanced back over her shoulder at her before Finn wrapped his arm around it, and they finally went their separate ways.

 

However, before Lexa even made it passed the gate, she suddenly stopped, turned around, and ran all the way back to the cafeteria with Costia calling after her, but she kept running.

She found Clarke, with Finn's arm still wrapped around her shoulder, and she grabbed on his other arm, causing him to turn around.

“Hey—“ he began, but she suddenly punched him in the nose and he fell down.

“Lexa! What are you doing?” Clarke asked in surprise, but Lexa stepped up to her, grabbed her face, and kissed her as hard as she could in front of everyone.

 

“— _Shut. Up._ You did not! Did you?” she asked in shock.

Lexa tried to keep a straight face, until she couldn't hold back her laughter.

“You jerk!” she said angrily, but with a smile, and smacked her arm.

“I'm sorry, I had to,” Lexa laughed, unable to help herself.

“ _Why_ would you do that to me when you know all I want to hear is you punching Finn in the nose and a happy ending! Ugh. I hate you.” She shook her head as Lexa's laughter died down. “That _should_ have happened forever ago.”

“Well then, there wouldn't have been much of a story to tell.” She shrugged, still smiling.

“True. Jerk,” she sighed, and Lexa chuckled again. “ _Well?_ Keep going, but tell the truth this time!”

“Alright, alright...”

 

Lexa followed them all the way out to Luna's car, but everything was telling her to go back. She should have gone back with Clarke.

And now she was having lunch with Finn.

Was their friendship really falling apart? Just like that?

She remembered a couple of years ago, Anya had a close friend named Tris. They hung out everyday, and they did everything together, until Tris moved to the next town over. They still tried to maintain a friendship, given that they both went to separate schools, until they just...stopped.

They stopped calling each other. They stopped hanging out on weekends. They just ended up going their separate ways.

Lexa knew it hurt Anya, though she would never admit it, which was probably why she was sort of cold and harsh to Lexa when she was younger, until they finally became closer.

Was the same thing happening to her and Clarke?

“...Lexa? Did you hear me?”

She suddenly looked up from the back passenger seat towards Costia.

“What?”

“I asked if you had any cash on you?” she asked, and Lexa shook her head.

“Oh, no.”

“That's okay, I'll get something for you,” she said, unbuckling her seat belt as they were finally pulling up to the gas station.

“That's alright, you don't have to.” Lexa shook her head again, but Costia playfully rolled her eyes.

“We're not gonna make you starve, silly. Come on,” she said, and stepped out, pulling the seat forward and waiting for Lexa to climb out. She noticed a few other kids from their school walking in, but she wasn't worried they were going to tell on her, and finally climbed out of the backseat.

Suddenly, Costia looped her arm around Lexa's and began to pull her along, smiling at her, and Lexa lightly forced a smile back.

After they bought drinks and snacks, they drove back up to the school, and parked in the student parking lot.

A part of Lexa had wanted to get out and go to the cafeteria to find Clarke and the others to hang with them for the remainder of lunch, but it seemed like Luna and Costia had no intentions of getting out, and Lexa didn't want to ask, seeing as they had bought her food. She felt it would just be rude, so she stayed in the backseat, mostly listening to the other two talk.

“I love these little ice cream cups. They're so good,” Costia said, digging the little plastic spoon into the cup and taking a bite. She then looked to Lexa. “Have you had them before?”

“Uh, no.” Lexa shook her head as Costia dug her spoon into it again, and suddenly she held it out.

“Try it.”

“Oh, that's okay.” Lexa smiled lightly, but Costia rolled her eyes.

“Come on, just try it. We already kissed, so it's not a big deal,” she said teasingly, and though that wasn't quite it, Lexa finally took the spoon from Costia and tried it.

“It's good,” she said, nodding her head as she passed the spoon back, and Costia smiled.

Her and Luna began talking for a moment as Lexa sipped her bottled iced tea, trying not to think about Clarke and Finn when Costia looked back at her once more.

“Do you like coffee?”

“Yeah.” Lexa nodded with a slight shrug.

“Have you ever been to Grounder's Cafe before?” she then asked, and Lexa shook her head, causing Costia to smile excitedly. “Well, then you should totally come with us! They have an open mic night every Friday, and Luna here is a rising musician who's going to be famous someday—“

“—Shut up, I am not,” Luna quickly cut in with a roll her eyes.

“— _and_ she's going to be playing some of her original songs this time,” she finished.

Lexa lightly smiled, but it was sort of sympathetic, even though she wasn't entirely sure about going. “That sounds nice, but I'm grounded for the next two weeks,” she said, and Costia chuckled.

“Well, when you're _not_ grounded then, silly.” She shook her head. “She plays every Friday night. You should really come so I have someone to sit with,” she said hopeful, and when Lexa didn't say anything for a few seconds, she clasped her hands together. “ _Come onnn_. Please? It'll be fun.”

Should she? It wouldn't really feel like a big deal if it wasn't going to seem like some kind of date with her, but a part of her felt like she was asking in that way. Or maybe she was thinking too much into it.

She suddenly thought about Clarke and Finn, alone together at her house on a Friday night, and she quickly tried to push the cruel thought away.

“Uh, yeah, sure. Sounds like fun.” She nodded, and Costia smiled widely.

“Cool.”

“—Hey, did you see that shirt Katie was wearing today? I don't even think she listens to Nirvana, and is only wearing it because Josh said he likes them. Ugh, it's so annoying when girls do that,” Luna then said, pulling Costia's attention away, and Lexa tried to pay attention as they began to talk, but her mind was elsewhere. She glanced across the parking lot towards the school building.

She wondered what Clarke and Finn were doing.

 

 

Over the following days, it seemed like Clarke and Finn having lunch for _one day_ suddenly gave him the right for him and his friends to sit at their table with them now.

It irritated Lexa.

However, what irritated her more was that he was constantly flirting with her.

And what was even _worse_ than that was the fact that Clarke somewhat seemed to like it.

She didn't understand it though. Clarke knew Lexa didn't like Finn, Raven wasn't particularly fond of Murphy on most occasions because he annoyed her, and Octavia was constantly being talked over, so...why was she alright with them sitting at their table now?

“Great. Finn and his gang are going to sit with us... _again_ ,” Raven suddenly whispered, and they looked over to see him standing in line with Clarke, with Murphy and the others behind them.

Apparently, Lexa wasn't the only one annoyed by this, and she felt better.

“I mean, don't get me wrong, it's cute watching them flirt together, but now it's just getting annoying,” Raven said with slight irritation. “I mean, how are we supposed to talk about them and all of the stuff we used to with them around?”

“Yeah, he kinda steals her attention most of the time,” Octavia said a bit glumly. “What do you think, Lexa?”

She looked over at Octavia, and then Raven, who were both staring at her almost as if they needed validation from her as well, and she lightly nodded her head.

“Yeah,” she simply said, not wanting to talk bad about Clarke in any way, because it was mostly Finn she was irritated with.

“Hey, guys!” Raven suddenly perked up and smiled as Clarke and the others sat down with them, and they all began talking as if they weren't just admitting about how annoyed they were.

“I like your earrings,” she heard Finn say quietly at one point, and she tried not to glare too hard at her pizza as she heard Clarke chuckle.

“Thanks. Lexa got them for me, actually,” she said, causing her to look up and realize that they _were_ the earrings she had gotten Clarke for her birthday a couple of years ago.

“Oh, cool.” Finn nodded, still trying to seem interested in them, and Lexa internally gloated. “So, what did your dad say about me coming over next Friday to work on the project?”

Her gloating immediately died, and she looked away, but her ears were still paying attention.

“He said it was fine, but we have to stay out in the dining room,” Clarke said as she ate her food.

“Why? Does he think I'm going to try do something?” Finn teased, and suddenly poked Clarke in the side, causing her to flinch and laugh lightly.

“No. I don't know,” she said, and Lexa's stomach churned. “We're just working on the project, Finn.”

“I know that,” he said slyly, and began poking her in the side again, causing her to flinch and laugh again.

Lexa's eyes betrayed her and she looked up at them, making eye contact with Clarke. Her smile slowly faded, and she suddenly shoved Finn's arm away.

“Stop,” she said sternly, but Finn must have thought it was funny.

“Why? Are you ticklish?” he asked, trying to poke her again, and though Clarke was somewhat laughing, she was also starting to look more annoyed as she tried to stop him, but Lexa knew she was too nice to actually tell him straight up to stop. She clenched her jaw as she heard his chuckle.

She looked up to see Raven looking away with irritation, as she was right next to them, but she suddenly caught Octavia's eyes, who was staring at her with this slight sympathetic look, and she was confused for a moment. Why would she be looking at her like that? She didn't know...right?

Suddenly, as Clarke shoved Finn's arm away again, he hit his tray, causing it to knock into Lexa's tray. Her opened chocolate milk carton suddenly fell over, and the chocolatey-liquid spilled over the tray and right into Lexa's lap.

“ _Shit,”_ she hissed as she quickly stood up and picked up the carton to stop it, and everyone became silent and still, watching her. The bottom part of her shirt and her thigh were soaked.

“Lexa...I'm so sorry,” Clarke suddenly said, and it actually annoyed Lexa further that she was apologizing for Finn's childish behavior. It was his fault for trying to tickle her in the first place.

She didn't know what to say, and she just sighed with irritation and quickly left towards the bathroom.

Thankfully, no one was inside, and she ripped out handfuls of paper towels, wetting them and angrily trying to wipe the stain from her shirt and pants.

_Fucking Finn._ She thought angrily.

Suddenly, the door opened, and she froze for a second to see Clarke's reflection in the mirror, and she looked back down, wiping her pants again with forceful movements.

“Lexa...are you okay?” Clarke asked worriedly.

“It's just a stain, Clarke. It didn't hurt,” she said with irritation, though she knew that wasn't what Clarke was asking.

“I meant like...” she trailed off, and sighed. “I'm sorry.”

“It wasn't your fault,” Lexa nearly snapped, and took a deep breath to try to calm herself.

It became silent for a moment.

“Are you...okay?” Clarke asked quietly again, and Lexa looked up at her through the mirror.

“What do you mean?”

Clarke looked down, fiddling with her hands before she looked up again. “You just seem like you've been...angry, or...I don't know,” she said, looking timid.

“Well, I'm not,” Lexa lied, looking down again and trying to clean her pants.

“Stop lying,” Clarke suddenly said more boldly, and Lexa turned to look at her with confusion.

“What?”

“Lexa, what's going on? Why don't you talk to me anymore? Why don't you look at me anymore?” Clarke then asked, taking a step forward, and Lexa felt her heart begin to race.

“I'm not... _not_ talking or...looking at you,” Lexa said with confusion and a shake of her head.

“What is it, Lexa? What aren't you telling me?” she pressed on, and Lexa felt her anger rise. “Is it because of me? Or Finn?”

She didn't want to talk about this right now, especially when she was angry about her clothes being stained, and Finn constantly being around, and this odd tension between them.

“ _No_ , Clarke. Nothing is wrong,” she said, though it was a lie, and her anger began to burn in her chest. Part of her wished Clarke would just leave her be with her anger.

“You don't talk to me anymore. You don't tell me how you're feeling, or what's on your mind. I know you don't like him—“

“—It's both of you!” Lexa suddenly spat, and Clarke stopped, staring at her with slight hurt, but Lexa couldn't stop herself now. All of her pent up anger was suddenly pouring out into her words. “Constantly flirting with each other when we're all trying to have a conversation—it's annoying! But everyone is too nice to tell you so they don't hurt your feelings!” she snapped with so much venom in her words, gripping the paper towels tightly in her hand, and Clarke silently stared at her.

Immediately, she felt bad.

The look in Clarke's eyes told her what she had said hurt, but the part of her that was angry, still fuming, told her it was just the simple truth. Still...she didn't mean to hurt her.

“...Is that _really_ how you feel?” Clarke asked with a shaky voice, and Lexa looked away as her jaw worked. She was trying to get her to open up, but Lexa had been feeling closed off for a while now that she wasn't sure if she could. She just felt distant from her.

She stared at her for a moment, feeling even more mad that she had hurt her, and sighed. “Just...do us all a favor and flirt with him somewhere else so we don't all have to sit there and watch it,” she said quietly, and she turned away, throwing the wadded up paper towels towards the trash angrily. She crossed her arms, keeping her back to Clarke as she tried to push her anger down. She hated getting emotional. It made her feel vulnerable.

After a moment, Clarke finally spoke.

“Fine. I get it. I'm sorry it bothered you so much,” she said with a sharp tone, and before Lexa could say anything else, she heard the door open and close.

She clenched her jaw as she stood there, wondering what the hell just happened until the bell rang, and she finally headed straight for her next class.

 

“—I think I know what Clarke was trying to do,” she said, and Lexa gave her a curious look.

“What's that?” she asked.

“She was trying to get a reaction out of you, to see how you felt about her,” she said, and Lexa slowly raised a brow. She nodded her head. “No, it makes sense. You clearly weren't trying to get with Costia, and she knew you didn't like Finn, but being the emotionally unavailable bean that you are— _were_ —she wanted to see if she could get something out of you by allowing him to flirt with her. Especially because she was asking _you_ specifically how you felt, but you didn't say it. I mean, I didn't think Clarke would do something like that, but maybe she was becoming desperate to finally get the truth from you.”

“You really think so?” Lexa asked, having never really thought about that before.

She nodded again. “Love makes people do crazy things.”

“I guess it does...”

 

After that, it almost seemed like everything changed.

Lunch was extremely awkward. Clarke must have told Finn to stop sitting with them, but even though they had their table back, the conversations were strained.

Raven and Octavia tried to act like everything was normal and talk about things like they used to, and though Lexa and Clarke were joined into the conversation, they didn't say a word to each other.

And as the days continued like this, Lexa could feel the distance becoming greater. They didn't wait in the halls for each other, they didn't say goodbye when they parted, and Lexa being grounded didn't help either.

She knew this was it. They had fallen apart.

She held so much anger in her because of this whole mess that had somehow accumulated, when she felt like she had tried so hard to avoid it. This was exactly what she didn't want to happen, and yet it did, even worse than what she had imagined.

She felt like it was all of her fault.

 

She had somewhat been avoiding telling Anya, because she didn't want her cornering Clarke, or being rude to her in the halls, but she could feel it building up inside of her, and as she rode the bus home one day, she felt like she needed to just get it out before she would explode, and just make Anya promise not to do anything to Clarke. She just needed to vent.

As she reached her house, she immediately spotted Uncle Gus's truck and her mother's car in the driveway, and she became confused. Why were they both home already?

However, when she reached the front door, she immediately heard shouting coming from inside and froze for a moment, before she opened the door and went inside.

“How long were you planning on hiding this?” Uncle Gus's voice boomed from the kitchen, and Lexa slowly approached it with caution.

“I was going to tell you guys eventually!” Anya yelled back.

“How could you be so irresponsible, Anya! After everything we do for you!” Uncle Gus yelled, and as Lexa finally made it to the kitchen, they all looked over at her.

Just from the look on their faces, she knew exactly what this was about.

“Did you know about this?” Uncle Gus suddenly yelled at Lexa angrily, causing her to freeze.

“I...” She opened her mouth, unsure of what to say. Would it make it worse to say that she did? She looked to Anya for an answer, but Uncle Gus's booming voice broke through the air again.

“Did you know that Anya was pregnant, Lexa?” he yelled, and finally, her mother spoke up.

“Gus, just calm down for a minute,” she said calmly, but he shook his head.

“No! I will not calm down when I just found out my daughter was going out and sleeping around, and now look! She's pregnant!” he yelled, his face red with a vein bulging from his forehead. “And she was trying to hide it from us!”

“I was afraid to tell you because I knew you would get angry like this!” Anya yelled back, her eyes glistening, but she kept her tears from falling.

“You're goddamn right I would get angry! You are too young to be spreading your legs! From this moment on, you are grounded! No phone! No going out with your friends! No TV! And starting tomorrow, we are going to look into adoption!” he said, and Anya stopped, staring angrily at him.

“What? No! I will not give up my baby!” she yelled at him, tears finally falling from her eyes.

“Yes, you will! You are too young to raise a child! You don't even have a job or a car for goddamn sake! And if you don't, then you will no longer live under my roof!”

“Gus! Stop!” Lexa's mother raised her voice. “Just calm down and think about what you're saying!”

“NO! Either you find someone to adopt this baby, or you are not welcomed here anymore!”

“FINE!” Anya yelled and she turned and raced upstairs with tears streaming down her face.

Lexa stood there frozen for a moment, unsure of what to do as Uncle Gus turned away with a shake of his head, and suddenly, he punched the fridge door.

“Gus! Stop! You cannot kick her out!” her mother said with almost a pleading voice.

“Then she will have to find someone to adopt that baby! You know how hard her mother and I struggled when we had Nyko at seventeen? It was too hard! I had to drop out of school!”

“But she has us to help support her!”

“No! I will not support her irresponsible decision!” He began to storm away, and her mother followed after him.

“You're not thinking about what you're saying!” she said as they disappeared into another room, and as Lexa stood there in shock and fear, she suddenly heard a door slam above her head. She quickly turned and ran upstairs.

“Anya?” she called out, and immediately went down towards her room. She was just about to open her door when it was yanked open, and Anya halted, staring at her with angry tears in her eyes, and then she stormed passed her towards the bathroom with a bag. Lexa followed after her. “What are you doing?”

“I will not give up my baby,” Anya said angrily, and began to shove her toothbrush, shampoo, and other things into the bag.

“But where will you go?” Lexa asked worriedly as she stormed passed her again towards her room, and she quickly followed.

“I told Adam, and he is coming to get me,” Anya said angrily, and Lexa didn't need to ask who that was to know it was the father.

“You told him?” she asked, and Anya nodded as she yanked open drawers and pulled out clothes, shoving them into a suitcase.

“I texted him last night, and he actually wants to support the baby. He wasn't mad at all,” she said with a sniffle as she crossed the room, gathering more things. “He is coming to get me tonight.”

“Tonight?” Lexa asked, and Anya nodded again.

“You really think my dad won't try to go after him, or let me leave?” she asked her angrily, and Lexa knew she wasn't meaning to direct it towards her. “When he busted me with weed once he told me he was going to kick me out, but he never did. He's just trying to scare me.”

Lexa didn't know what to say. She didn't want Anya to leave, but...what would happen if she stayed here? Would Uncle Gus calm down and let her keep it? She knew he was mad, but she never expected it to go down like this.

Suddenly, she heard Anya sob, and she looked down to see her kneeling in the middle of the floor in front of her suitcase with her face in her hands. Lexa immediately dropped her bag and knelt down next to her, pulling her into a tight hug.

“It'll be alright...” Lexa tried to soothe her, and they sat like that for a long time.

 

“—Wow...” she said quietly, and Lexa lightly smiled with sympathy.

“Obviously he was just upset. He didn't mean it,” she said, and she nodded.

“Oh, I know. I just...never knew,” she said, having no trace of anger on her face.

“I probably _shouldn't_ have said anything...Anya would probably kill me, so...” Lexa trailed off.

“My lips are sealed,” she said with a nod. “Please, continue.”

 

It was midnight, and instead of being in bed, Lexa was sitting with Anya in her room.

They had sat and talked for a while. Uncle Gus didn't come up at all, nor did her mother, and now they were just sitting there in the dark, waiting. They heard the phone, and Anya looked down at it.

“He's here,” she said, and Lexa felt sadness swallow her. She tried not to cry, but the tears welled up in her eyes, and as Anya looked at her, she smiled, but tears gathered in her own eyes.

“Don't cry, or you're going to make me cry,” she chuckled, but the tears escaped.

“I'm going to miss you,” Lexa said quietly as a tear fell, and Anya suddenly pulled her into a tight hug.

“You'll hear from me soon. I'll be alright.”

“You're not going to school either, are you?” Lexa asked once they pulled apart and wiped their eyes.

“No,” Anya sniffled, standing up to gather her things. Lexa grabbed her suitcase seeing as it was stuffed full of her clothes and things, and was quite heavy.

“Let's go,” Anya whispered as she grabbed her bulging backpack, and together, they snuck downstairs.

It was dark and silent, and when they finally made it outside, the realization hit Lexa as she saw a car parked further down the road with the lights off.

“Okay, I can take it from here,” Anya whispered, but Lexa shook her head.

“It's too heavy. I'll walk all the way with you.”

“What if you get caught going back?” Anya asked, and Lexa shrugged.

“I don't care. You're like a sister to me,” she said, and Anya smiled, looking away.

“Alright, stop before I start crying again,” she said, and they quietly began to walk across the yard.

Lexa wasn't sure what she was expecting when they made it to the car, but as the guy named Adam got out, she was slightly surprised. He looked around seventeen, handsome, fit, and put together, and he smiled at her. In all honesty, she was sort of expecting...less.

“Hello,” he said, and quickly stepped forward, reaching out. “Here, I'll take that.”

He put her bags in the car, and Anya turned towards Lexa.

“He lives with his grandparents on their farm. He said they're alright with me staying,” Anya said, and Lexa nodded. She then reached into her jacket pocket. “Here,” she suddenly said, and shoved her phone and charger into Lexa's hands. “Don't let them know. I'm giving this to you so we can keep in touch. Lexa, promise me you won't tell them,” she said, and Lexa stared at her for a moment before she nodded.

“I won't.”

Tears began to well up in their eyes again, and Anya shook her head before she pulled Lexa into a tight hug.

“I love you, kid.”

“I love you too, Anya,” Lexa said, hugging her tightly, and after a moment, they finally pulled apart.

“Okay,” Anya wiped the tears from her face as she sniffled. “I'll get a hold of you soon. Bye, Lexa.”

“Bye,” she said quietly, and stood there and watched as she got in the car with Adam, who smiled and gave a slight awkward wave before he got in, and they began to drive down the road.

She felt a tear slide down her cheek, and as the car eventually disappeared, she finally turned and quietly headed back home.

First Clarke...and now Anya.

She suddenly felt all alone.

 

“—Oh my god,” she chuckled, though it wasn't a humorous laugh as she wiped her eyes.

“Yeah...that was really hard,” Lexa said, looking down.

“I could only imagine...Wow. I did not expect that.” She shook her head with a light sniffle.

“Well...don't worry, we stayed in touch.” Lexa nodded.

“Yeah, but...now you don't have her, or Clarke to talk to. What else could possibly go wrong?” she asked, and Lexa made a face.

“Do you really want to know?” she asked.

“Oh god...Wait, let me regain myself before you go further.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! You made it! lol  
> Hopefully you guys enjoyed this chapter. :)  
> And don't worry, good ol Uncle Gus didn't mean it!


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